Be the Fun Mom!!

First day of Summer! To me that means so many things .. vacations, playing in the sun and water and memories to be made with my children. That is not what it use to mean...It use to mean dreaded bathing suits, hiding in the water and being a sideline Mom. This is not something I learned as an adult- this all started when I was a child.  I learned from watching my Mother that Mother's didn't wear bathing suits. If on the rare occasion they did - they most certainly were not going to get their hair wet or play with their kids. Even though I was never a heavy child I learned that I was to cover my body with a T-shirt  as much as possible. To be ashamed of my natural shape as it wasn't perfect in the eyes of somebody... whoever that was. I lived my life this way until I had my brush with death at 34. Then it was like somebody shook me the next Summer and said "What are you doing? You are wasting your life!" Why did I feel I was not good enough.. because I was then heavy? because someone trained me to feel that way? I was looking into the eye of my then 7 year old daughter and I decided I was not going to pass this garbage one more generation. I didn't care if I needed to lose weight. I was working on it but that was not going to stop me from being a fun Mom. After almost losing my life I know the most important things are memories. I don't want my kids to remember me as a "sideline" Mom. I want them to remember me hitting the water slides, rafting the rivers and being silly and fully submerged in the pool! I want them to remember me making them feel like they were good enough and worthy enough to do the same things. Please remember as a parent the things we say and do can stick with our children for years and spread generations. This Summer if you are in a cycle like I have explained stop it for your children. Go buy bathing suits for you and your children that make you happy and feel confident. Go play in a pool! Who cares who is looking the only eyes that matter are your children's and the laughs and smiles will make it all worth it! If you need to instill healthier living into your lives do it - just don't do it as a punishment. Do it as a fun family activity. Little changes in our lives can lead to big things. Change the next generation. No more sideline Moms!

I'm Over it!

I know some of you are not going to "get" what I am about to say but please hear me through before you judge my thoughts. I am done being accommodating.  I spent 37 years being good, following the "rules" and being graciously accommodating to everyone around me. I'm over it! Graciously accommodating has not made me overweight as only I can do that to myself but it has given me the guilt and the mindset to put me last. This guilt has made me eat what was put on the plate in front of me. Be it at a restaurant, party or home. Heaven forbid I wouldn't want to hurt feelings by not tasting their treats or insult them by not having their food.  It has had me put others before my health. I would take a call at a scheduled workout time just because the phone rang and again I didn't want to offend. I have accepted peoples passive aggressive insults as I lose weight and they don't .  The last year I have watched how people treat me as I lose weight. The ones who like to fill my plate or fill my mind truly only have issues with themselves. Sometimes it's easier to live in a world where everyone is like you.  I'm sorry but it's not my problem. I have risen above all of those issues and I truly hope that someday everybody does. This is something that doesn't have a magic wand though. It happens with time and a healthy awakening. For the last year I have been changing my ways and now that I'm about to enter year 39 - I am making my changes permanent. If I go to a dinner I will eat what I like.  No, thank you. Will be acceptable. I will no longer be guilted into eating something just to make someone feel good. If a plate comes to me at a restaurant and it's wrong - I'm going to nicely send it back. If I'm on a run and my phone rings unless you are my husband, child or father - I'm not answering it. All though I love many - 99% of most calls can wait one hour. If you call me back two times in a row - you might just have to wait two hours though - lol! Finally, if you truly are a friend you will be happy for me for the major changes I have made not only physically but mentally in my life. You will be proud of me as I always am of my friends. If you feel the need for passive aggressive comments..  You will quietly be directed to the door because nobody has time for THAT!  There was a time when I thought putting myself first with those I love was outrageous. Now I know it is the only way! In doing this I have become a better wife, mother, daughter and friend.  You can be your own worst enemy or best friend - you can choose for yourself -  your happiness depends on it.

June 16th

June 16th .. Dates leave images in your mind. This is one of those dates for me except it leaves a huge memory blank for me. Sadly for my children I can't say the same - this is the day five years ago that while volunteering in our local soup kitchen I had a gran mal seizure. This is a vision I wish daily I could erase from their minds. I don't remember it happening, I don't remember the EMT's, I don't remember the ambulances but they do. I remember waking up and hour and half later with my husband staring at me in a hospital room having no idea what happened. My brain will never be fixed as it was found I have irregular brainwaves - which is treatable but not curable. I deal with the reality of that twice a day as I take my medicine. Now the date which use to strike fear in me has become almost a day of victory. It is now my "life day" - I know my time was not up or the seizure would have happened 20 minutes before when I was driving on I-35. I was destined for more. It took me a good 6 months to get through PTSD - to realize what I was given was a second chance. I feel from that moment that I became a different, person, mother, wife and friend. I closed my circle of friends a little - cherished the ones who are always there for me. I have become a better Mom - I live for my kids and my family. I am so grateful I didn't leave a little 7 year old girl and 11 year old boy behind. I'm so honored to watch them grow up. Also I have finally got "me" right. I have found the healthy person who was hiding inside for so long. So much comes from moments in time... Learn and grow from them. Don't sweat the small stuff. You never know when your time will be up. So for the rest of my life when I wake up I will simply thank God I am still here.

Graduation

Thought I would share this from 2 weeks ago with you  -  

I'm telling you sometimes a 5 mile run is the best therapy in the world. I hit the road sad that today was my sons last day of High School. Even though I have had time to prepare... lol- 17 years. It has all come to fast. By the end of the run and reflecting on life - I am ready to rejoice. That two kids - 19 and 20-  without a penny between them and the world against them - not only raised a son but still love one another 18 years later. Not only did we "just" raise a son we raised one that everyone loves. Teachers, friends, family. When he goes on retreats as a Leader teens come back and tell me "he has changed my life". I know how they feel - I'm so blessed to be his Mom. He has done his K-12 requirements. Now for the fun stuff. The next 4 years will help define an already outstanding man. I can't wait to be at UT Austin 4 years from now watching him fulfill is dream of Computer Science degree. Tonight I get to see mine - my son successfully raised. So next time life seems a little too much to handle... put on your running shoes! Hit the road! By the end of that run sometimes you have worked it out and all is happy again :)

The Dreaded Picture

The picture on the left is a picture I have never shared with anybody but my close friends. It is in my wallet. I look at it daily and it is a reminder of how and who I never want to be again. I was miserable until I woke up and decided to change. Do not ever let anybody - a friend, a spouse, a family member, a health professional tell you that you can not change. I was morbidly obese. I needed High Blood Pressure Meds which I resisted and did not take but decided to change instead. I have other medical challenges which are detailed out in my "about" under my banner. It is a year and half later. I have lost over 100 lbs plus added muscle - Gone from a size 22 to a 6. I eat clean and run 5 miles 5x a week. My blood pressure is better than perfect. My Doctor says I am the picture of health. YOU CAN DO THIS. Believe in yourself - NEVER let somebody stop you. You are destined for greatness. If somebody tells you otherwise - prove them wrong with a smile on your face.

There is No Magical Number!

One thing I have noticed a lot when I do shares of GIRLS stories, we will occasionally have someone say - "she can't wear that size at that weight! I weigh less and am in a smaller size!" So much goes into forming a body and configuring a size -height, weight, measurements, body type, genetics. This picture is of several girls at the National average for Australia all of the same weight. I am just a few pounds under it. My Doctors have told me to stop losing months ago as I am a very healthy weight. I am a size 6 (5'8") - that doesn't matter. What does matter is that everyone realizes that we aren't cookie cutters. We all need to have our own healthy goals. Not a magic number or size dictated to us by TV/magazines as that size and number is different on everyone. Please just pay attention to your body. Don't worry about the girl next to you. Instead why don't we all cheer one another on.