New Years Memories With Love

Even though this is from 6 years ago tonight it is still one of my favorites pics. Surprisingly our son took it at my brothers wedding in Florida. He was 14 and did say "ew" after.  I still love him this much and we have been together 21 years. We were just children when we met at 19 and 20. We were married after 6 months.  When you know, you know. I am so blessed that this man has loved supported me through thick and thin. I show him a before picture and he can't believe that it is me because he never saw me as that. He just saw me as the person he loves. Not a number or a size. He has loved me despite the drama my family use to bring before I learned to shut them off. He has been there through the loss of a pregnancy. He has been there every step of the way raising our two children. He was the person at the end of my bed when I woke up in the ER being unconscious for almost 2 hours. He is there for everything.  Sometimes you have to go through trials in life to become the person you are meant to be. It sure is nice to have somebody to grow up with, hold your hand and love you with honesty the whole way.

Keep the Pictures

I have HATED this picture for years. It was a few years ago today. What I love was the memories from this day. It was a few days before Christmas. We ran into San Francisco ( or "France and Disco" as my Daughter liked to call it ) for a day of fun. We ran up to the top of the Golden Gate Park and took family pictures. It was SO windy and cold. I wrapped my scarf around my head and took this silly pic. Along with the hundreds other we took up there. Hiking around was hard for me. I weighed about 100 lbs more than I do now but I did my best to keep up with my family. Later that day we went down to the The Palace of Fine Arts and Pier and it was so warm even in December that we left our jackets in the car. We had a beautifully perfect day. A day my children will always remember of me and their Poppa and one another. Of decorations, of pictures of them pretending to to hold up the Golden Gate Bridge and eating yummy snack while watching Seal Lions on the Pier. Not of their Mom and her insecurities. Not of their Mom huffing and puffing to keep up. Not of their mom being 100 lbs heavier. They remember laughing, loving, family fun. So in the end this hated picture reminds me of the same. Even though I have physically changed I am still me. If I had, God forbid, left this earth over the last few years due to my seizure condition this picture would probably be cherished for the moment. So take the darn pictures. Get over your insecurities. Document your life. Make the Memories.

Polar Christmas

Special deliver just came to my door from Polar! So excited to try out these new products and report back to you on how absolutely amazing they are. So blessed to be an Ambassador for such an amazing company. I already worked out today but I see another happening because I can't wait until tomorrow. Now the tough question.. Do I start with the A360 or Crystal Loop?

For My Daddy - Always His Girl

One thing you can tell about me is music moves me. The other day I was driving and this song came on while listening to Carrie Underwood. It brought tears to my eyes because it was my life. I was that little girl in a little white church wearing angel wings. I even had the picture! A picture we had to search for. I even contacted friends in MA from years ago as I knew this would be just as special to my Dad as it was to me. The picture just popped up! 4 days before Christmas. So this version will be my fill in until I get the real one to my Dad. My Dad is one person I have never had to guess. I have always known his love. I also know I even at 41 am still his little girl.

https://youtu.be/uLIOWEYZqNA

Choose Happiness

                                         
Happiness is a choice made over and over. You CAN have happiness. You just have to pick it. I know if you aren't happy this sounds impossible. Just remember I was at rock bottom for a long time.  I woke up one day and decided to change my life - and I did. It's not always perfect but it's always much better than it was.  Also after years of making this choice it is now just natural. Positivity, happiness and joy are like muscles. The more you use them the stronger they become and easier they are to use. If you are unhappy wake-up tomorrow and decide that it is the day your life will change.

And it will.

Always Find A Lesson

I was reminded of something yesterday in those daily "on these day" reminders on Facebook I sometimes check out. Yesterday, 3 years ago something sort of significant in my life happened. Significant then , now.. not so much. But there was a lesson and there was a reason behind it. Our town has all of these groups for Moms. I found them to be draining and horrid. They were suppose to be a place for info and sharing. They seemed to be a place for gossip, gossip, a little info and oh, yeah did I mention gossip? I was a year into my weight loss and in a happy place and seeing this was just not ok with me. I decided I would start my own Facebook town group. A positive place for all the good people and info - lol! This was before I had ever done anything on social media so it was my first step out into "group land". Boy was I naive!! The bigger it got the more I questioned what have I done? One day it became a monster. A monster with my name attached to it. So what was I going to do .. be the people pleaser I was at that point and let it continue? Or shut it down? Making that decision was hard. Why? Because what would people think of me. I decided though that what I thought of me was much more important than any negative person in this town would ever think of me. So my best friend and I stayed up all night one by one removing people from the group. That is how it is done and it took forever!! The next morning there was quite a backlash. Nasty emails. You name it. Why? Over a group.. How nuts is that? Within hours they had started another one and with a lack of creativity just added an extra word to the group name - lol. Guess I'm good at names!! So time for the lessons... I thought how in the world am I going to live in this town with these wacky raging women. How? Looking back WHY was I worried about what others had thought of me? I tried to make something great. Something positive. Something that in my eyes failed. Something that if I continued to let grow and it had my name attached to it would be everything in the world that I DO NOT stand for. So how have I carried on? With my head held high and with pride. Starting this little group opened my heart to helping others and a few months later I did start my BIG group the passion of my heart. Girls Gone Healthy. If I hadn't of started that little group I closed I may have never had the courage to do it. GGH is all I was seeking and didn't know that was what I needed yet. I get to help encourage and motivate others to health and happiness through my story of weight loss and my medical condition. The last lesson and a great one which I will take the words from Coco Channel - “I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.” It took a reminder 3 years later to even make me remember! I am though thankful because even though I felt I had failed at the time it made me stronger. It was when the people pleaser left the building.

Today's "Why"

On Wednesday's in my groups we always share our "why's" Typically it is our why to being healthy physically. I heard this song on Monday and it literally made me cry. It reminded me of my "why" to finding my road to health mentally. That moment after a very long time of living through PTSD after my seizure I gave up from being WORN. I needed to know the struggle would end. That a struggle as deep as even mine could end and I could feel happy again. I did feel these lyrics...

I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

This is my WHY. There is life. There is love. There is joy. I did find it all again. Did my life magically become perfect? No, my brain condition is for life. The anxiety still exists. I just handed it over. I decided my life was a gift. To stop wasting it in tears and sorrow. To start loving it even if it wasn't perfect. I never want to be worn again. I want be filled with joy, love and life. If you are stuck know it is possible. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be active in looking for it.
https://youtu.be/zulKcYItKIA