The Art of Healing

Who knew that healing could take so long. I just noticed I have not blogged in almost a year. Someone told me it would happen soon because I was ready. I really didn't know what that meant until I went through Mother's Day weekend. A weekend I typically dread. Not because I'm not a good Mom. Not because I don't have wonderful children but because what I see from everyone else. What I feel I miss out on in life. A good relationship with a loving Mom. In the past I have felt I have healed from this but when moments like this come up and it still stings you know you haven't. This Mother's Day I did not think of her or our relationship once. I enjoyed my family and the day. Social media did not bother me. It was calm it was peaceful. A few days later I reflected on this. I have had my safe boundaries set for years. I do not want her in my life. Those words usually came with anger. Now they come with calm. I forgive her for what she has done for... Me, not her. I can actually look at my life and see things that happened were not a reflection of me. They were a reflection of her. They have to deal with her past. Her not being able to overcome what had happened to her. I have sadness that she was unable to do that so she could create a better life for her and all her children. I forgive her and release that. If she has issues they are hers. Not mine. I have learned to live and love with hope and peace. To change the direction for my family for one that had so many addictions, secrets and lies to one centered around truth, love and faith. Not a show, not for pictures. All for real. We are not perfect but we love one another fiercly. I have done what most people can not do I have ended the trend. I can 100% say I forgive her for what she has done. My heart and soul is healed. As with all things in my life they have just made me stronger, more understanding and more compassionate to others. So in the end I thank her.