Each Day is a Gift

Dec 28, 2024 - This was 10 years ago today. 16 years ago I feared I would never see my children grow up. This weekend I saw my oldest marry his love. Thank you God.

I shared this personally on December 28, 2024. At the time I wasn't using this blog so I am sharing now. I have decided though it is something I am going to put much more effort into now. I have so much to say and this feel like the place I want to do it.  I started this in 2013 and stepped away about 5 years ago. So many of you have been along with me on my journey through Facebook since 2012. This day was a big day for me. My children are the world to me. 

Holding Space for All

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month and every year I’m filled with sadness and anger for the children who were not protected. I was one of them. This is not the easiest for me to talk about because I have always hidden behind this a bit. I have forgiven those at a time I should not have simply because as a child and a young adult I needed love and wanted the comfort of a somewhat normal family like everyone else. As a child I was scared to say too much to anyone because the fear of the unknown was far worse than the daily horror I knew. That I knew I could get through because it was my normal which was not normal at all. I knew at the end there would be a space and then they would act normal again. After all we appeared to be "Golden Family" until the truth started to fall out little by little. I realized from raising my family that these patterns that were normal to me were abuse in themselves an extension of my childhood abuse. I saw the patterns from those people start to come close to my children. Then I had to start cutting ties. I went no contact with one parent the patterns kept going but just with me. In my attempt to be loved I became the people pleaser and did all I could for so long to be perfect. To help at a drop of a hat fly cross county and save the day. Save the day for people over years, putting them first for months even when they wouldn't cross a puddle for me or mine let alone states. Relentlessly going through the patterns of being gaslit, ignored, adored over and over simply because I was someone they needed not someone they loved. Until the truth of what they did came out when I did a dna test building my ancestry tree. The truth exploded. Again, I let new people in. People who should have appeared safe. Then again I learned about narcissists. They are either the victim or the hero but never the villain. I had a major health scare from the stress put up on me from this. So I healed and I grew and I made my life a safe space. A place where I could breathe. All throughout my life there have been people who have listened to my story if I have felt safe enough to open and share. Many are so cherished and are my given family. There are some though that weaponize all I have been through against me. Even at 50 same as when I was 15 this is why people do not share. It is why abusers of all types get away. It is why this continue. It is why generational trauma never ends. I can tell you though in my leg of this tree - it is over. For those in this world who do not listen to all survivors -It is time for change or this will never end.

Sending love to ALL victims not just the one people choose to hear. I have space for you all.