Gratitude of Friendship

I am going to share this from my Challenge Group today. We have a morning focus on Gratitude. I think many can relate to this.

Morning Gratitude = friendship

I am so thankful for my friends. I have a big family.. That a choose not to be apart of about 75% of. I have set boundaries and walked away from them. Most will say family is forever. I say I choose my family. Family is love, respect, loyalty, laughter, fun. That isn't mine. Mine is sad, broken and toxic. My close FRIENDS are my chosen family. They are everything on that list that a family should be. My friends are my family. The people I knew as family are just a bunch of people placed in my life to teach me lessons of who I don't want to be and how I don't want to treat people. Friends are the family I get the honor to pick. I also feel they are an apology for the family I was given.

*If you do have a wonderful family - be grateful for that today. I am happy to say I have ended all the trends set before me. I am proudly giving a healthy family to my children and all future generations

My Son

Every once in a while I get the honor of boasting about my now adult ( 20 year old ) son. He truly makes me so proud and is so beyond anything I ever dreamed of him being. He is third year of College. Always been an amazing young man. The last few year he has really come into who wants to be. As most of you know he plans on going into Youth Ministry. Which if you look at my life he was the person who brought me back to the church. When I lost a baby at 19 weeks when he was 4 he asked me where she went. I just simply said "Gods House." We were driving down the freeway during this conversation and he pointed to something that he didn't even know was a newly constructed church.. I hadn't told him.. and he said "If she is there why aren't we too?" I started classes to convert the next week. Which really came out of nowhere as I was the first of my family to change religions. It was something I feel that was in my heart though I just wasn't listening until my little guy posed the question. Sometimes plans have been made forever - it just takes a while for us all to be ready. He has been meant to do this forever. He has been leading me since he was a toddler. Over the Summer he took a position as a Counselor at a camp a few hours from here. He also did music ministry there as he has with our church. Finally though he started singing not just playing his guitar. Now he does even more music ministry with our church. Leads music at Mass and does Praise and Worship with the High School youth. This one song is just so Avery to me. It fills my heart with joy to hear him sing it in our church or just to hear it on our home. He has an amazing voice more importantly the passion that comes through him is so moving. The words to this song are perfect too. Maybe someday I will get him to record it for his Dear Old Mom. 

 https://youtu.be/SDP8tQSR6uQ

Overwhelmed With Love

As I sit here at this candle light homecoming ceremony... Lights are off over the football field now. I'm over to the side with Phoenix now watching as an observer. I am so very grateful THIS is the life my daughter has. So different then mine was at her age. She has High School team fun, TWO parents who love her, no verbal, mental or physical abuse. No secrets. Nothing she is told to hide from people. No family secrets she will be shocked to learn in her 30's. A simple life filled with honesty.  A life of fun. A life of love. She knows how I grew up. She knows how lucky we are to be mother daughter and friends too. This just all is overwhelming to me tonight. We are blessed. I have ended the trend of abuse. If I had to go through everything I did to give her this life I would do it it a million times. I love her that much.

Be The Change

I typically steer clear of negativity because I don't allow it in my life. I saw this though in my feed this morning and to be honest, it pissed me off. So I decided to scribble all over it. I am so sick of women being haters in this world. Women are to support, encourage and empower one another. We aren't to belittle and tear one another down. When I see post like this it makes me sad for the poster. For what is going on in their life that makes them act out so unkindly. I personally have tried every diet.. Every..single.. diet. I have gained back on every diet. Except when I ate clean and did it naturally with the help of a balanced life ( Natalie Portman please clap ) That does not mean I think it is wrong when anybody else does it any other way. It is their path. Their journey and not mine to judge. If they want advice I will give it to them, If they ask. If they want me to cheer them on. I will - without being asked. You know why? We all lose it pound by pound. The work is keeping it off and being healthy for life. This world is filled with enough judgment and hate. How about being the change? Being the women who love, encourage and pay it forward and who are examples for the next generation.

A Second Chance

I came across a journal entry from 2 years ago I thought I would share with you today.

I had a checkup with my Neurologist today. I think my Dr. is wonderful. He has helped me so much over the past 5 years since I was diagnosed with my seizure condition. That doesn't stop me from reliving the day the seizure happened and makes appt. days very stressful to me. I remember laughing in the car with my kids on the way to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen, putting on our aprons, helping get ready in the Kitchen...then my world went black. I woke up for a split second in ambulance when a Paramedic was giving me an IV. Thinking where am I. Then out again. I was out for an hour an half and to this day that hour haunts me. I'm so glad people were around to care for my then 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter. I can't imagine what they were going though. Or what my husband was when he got the call to go the Emergency Room. I don't even want to go into how I felt when I woke up with my husband staring at me or driving home not knowing what was truly wrong. We didn't have a diagnosis for a week. After that my world was lived in fear of all of this happening again. I was in a very long and scary depression - for months. Sleeping, eating and crying was about all I did. Then I had that morning that I woke and realized I was alive. I could have had that seizure driving my car, in a tub or just in a bad place and died. I realized I was alive and I was going to be grateful for this for every moment I could. No more tears - just joy. No more fear - just life. No more excuses - time to change. That was my Ah-a moment. Don't wait for life to knock you down to have one. If you are lucky enough to have a second chance in life like me - don't waste it. Live it and love it. Your next breath is not a guarantee - that is something I know from experience.

I am over 7 years strong now. I am even more of a  positive person then I was 2 years ago. I have learned to let things go. To pay things forward. To live a good life. Life isn't always perfect. Looking back though everything happens perfectly. With time and reflection I live and learn from the trials and triumphs. My tests have become my testimony. I am so thankful for my life and all who are in it. As my friend stated so wonderful yesterday -  I am work in progress - written by the masters hand. 

Notes For My Desk

My heart is filled with so much love. Ask my sister when this post came through I read it to her and it made me cry. I know you all probably get tired of hearing about my Challengers and our daily gratitude. These girls though are so much more to me then part of my job. They are part of my life. In losing my weight I wanted to pay it forward and help others have a safe place of support and encouragement. To have that validated on our "kindness" gratitude day...well is amazing. I love all you girls. Thank you for helping me make such a wonderful group. We make a wonderful tribe.This is going on my desk for the days I need a little inspiration. I love it when life comes full circle.

What Women Do

When women become aware of another's success, talents or power they can do a few things. A- Admire, learn and be empowered by you or B- they will try to diminish or compete with you. Those who take route B will feel justified in it. Seeing the success of others makes them upset so they fight everything those women are to feel OK where they are. I was once there. I get seeing others in weight loss success and not being there yet. There are many aspects of my life that others are far above me in. I am so proud of them and all they are. I admire them and I will seek the knowledge that they have to grow myself. I hold no ill will, anger or hostility. For one those emotions aren't allowed in my life. I feel what you put out into the world you get more back. When I am attacked or have unjustified anger directed towards me I will walk away. Not that I am not willing to fight it, talk about it ect. But sometimes there is no talking to someone who is not willing to hear. This energy is simply also something I will not allow in my life and not engage with. It is toxic. I use to have to have a need to be heard, to feel accepted and loved. This comes from the emotional abuse from a parent. When I feel someone acting in a manor such as this I really leave quick. The love I seek now I already have. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. As a very wise friend said to me "Bless and release" That is what you need to do with any unhealthy relationship. If it is meant to be it will be. When it is healthy, it is worth it. When it has triggers of negativity and toxic on it I will not allow it in. What I do allow in is compassion, understanding, supporting, loving and empowerment. That is what women do. Keep this in mind as you interact with others. What is important. What is worth allowing into my life. What I put out into the world would I like to get back in return? Also, would I be proud of my decisions enough to share it as a lesson to my daughter. That is always my goal. Yes, I am.