Investment to Health

Most mornings I will look at the "on this day" on Facebook to see what I was doing 1,3,6 or more years ago. One consistent thing I have found is 5,6,7 years ago I was always sick. I would be recovering from a cold, a fever a sore throat. Funny because then I had no idea about the troubles in my brain I was living a carefree life. More like a careless life. I have not been sick ONE single day since I have started eating clean, working out, drinking shakeology. I have lost 110 lbs. I have maintained it through workouts and nutrition. I have become healthy inside and out. Some say that my lifestyle has a hefty price - I say putting your health last does. Honestly making all my changes has not changed the food bill it has just shifted the priorities. Give up one thing for another. I have actually made thing better with my condition by eating healthy, clean and dumping foods with chemicals and preservatives. In the long run I would say it is a win. I'm 41 healthier and more fit than when I was 21. I'm not dieting - I'm living my life as healthy as possible without feeling deprived. This is a lifestyle. One I am so happy I took the chance on. You are worth the investment especially when you realize that honestly there is none other than commitment to living your best life since you only have one.

The Power of One

I know some people look at my post and roll their eyes. That is OK. 😀 I have been on both sides of this spectrum. Now if I can give a little hope and a little positivity to just one person I will. After all isn't that how change begins? With one. I'm not going to change the world but if I can help change one heart with my hope, positivity, and love. That is enough for me! My life is totally imperfect, I have my major health issues but they aren't excuses they are my foundation. You can go two ways in life. Trust me my life is SO much better this way. Try to spread some optimism and positivity this week - after all it all begins with one.

Lessons From Louie

The kids and I finally got to watch the movie Unbroken. Yes, 2 years late. It was worth it though. It is about Louie Zamperini. Growing up through hard times his brother always told him "if you can take it, you can make it". This got him on the track team in High School and to the Olympic Track Team. Later while serving in War his plane was shot down. After being on a raft for about 45 days he said to God, I swear you get me through this I will dedicate my life to you and do whatever you want. After this he was found. Unfortunately by Japan and became a prisoner of war. For years. What they showed is nowhere close to what I'm sure he was put through and it was beyond brutal. Enough to make anybody forget that promise in that raft and become a hard, broken person. After years of abuse and torture he finally went home. After years of severe post traumatic stress Louie made good on the his promise to serve God, a decision he credited with saving his life. Motivated by faith, Louie came to see that the way forward was not revenge, but forgiveness. He returned to Japan and made peace with all his captors but one who refused to meet him. I don't tell you this for a history lesson. I'm telling you this because no matter how broken you are, there is a better road then anger. Our lives comparably are nothing to what this man went through. I know my few years of darkness and bad things that happened is nothing compared to his. I have had my rock bottom prayers though and I have had my moments I have wanted to turn away because it was so bad. Faith has always eventually won. I have actually forgiven everyone in my life. Which is huge a year ago I could not have said that. Even the one's who had hurt me the most. Why? Not for them - for me because it sets me free. Just like it did him. Faith and forgiveness are amazing things. It may take a while to get there but when you do life will never be the same

16th Year

I don't have any pretty pictures to start this one with. No little bows to tie on top and make it complete. This is just was it is. My life ..actually my second babies life. Not Olivia, she is my third. I am talking about the one I never held in my arms. The one who would have been 16 years old today , Valentine's Day 2016. As the years go by the pain does decrease. Actually with my shift over the last year. My focus on what I see in my mind changes. Before I use to think the first kicks, picking her name. Then of a happy couple finding out the gender of their 19 week baby and seeing her heartbeat. Then something went wrong. Going back having another ultrasound with no heartbeat , the surgery, the agony... The other morning I was going to sleep and said can you imagine having THREE of them? She would have been 16. I can see her. Our children look the same. I wonder would she have been musical like her big brother. A dancer like her little sister. Athletic like her dad was and play basketball like he did? Would she love to run and race me out the door every morning? Or something completely different. No matter what she was - she would have been amazing. She was important and she is still loved. Now she is loved with more of a peaceful heart. After all this time now I think her Birthday may have been perfectly picked on this day. Before I felt it was mocking me now I feel what better day - A day of love.

Alive or Just Living

I was sitting at the park reading a book in the sun and it dawned on me just this one simple thing makes me ALIVE - not just living. Years ago I simply went about my day to get to the next day. I didn't see the joy in each moment. I was so stuck in sadness and despair from my diagnosis I honestly slept all day. The only time I put on a happy face was when it was time to pick up my kids from school and play the part. I didn't even drop them off at school my husband did. I would get them out the door and go back to sleep. Are you living to get to the next day? Barely breathing not, enjoying life? Then I challenge you for the next week to stop. Living doesn't cost. Go for a walk with a pet or a friend. Work in your garden. Sit in the sun. Read a book. Exercise. Craft. Find a hobby. Start with 10 minutes. After a few days it will get easier to find time and more time as it will bring you such joy. The important thing is to wakeup and be ALIVE. Don't waste your life. I know we don't all have medical issues. We all haven't been given second chances to live but you can learn from us -we aren't promised tomorrow. If you weren't here tomorrow do you want your friends and family to say - they loved life and lived it to the fullest? Or the opposite. I know now my family would say I loved them and my perfectly imperfect life to the fullest. Like I said there is no cost to living but there is a huge cost to living without life. Choose to be ALIVE!

Act II

The middle, Act II, is uncomfortable. It is where we find our truths. If we stop fighting and start listening we learn from them. It took me quite a long time to stop fighting. When I did I learned I can deal with anything. Also I can appreciate anybody, even the most horrible for the lessons they have taught me. I have also turned my test into my testimony. I can endure anything and rise from it. My middle was a huge mess but it made me an over-comer. It made me strong. It made me grateful for everything and everyone. It gave me the ability to know I can help others with what I lived and learned. Don't be afraid of the mess. It is necessary and that is where your magic will happen.

Letting Go

Personal confession. I have been dealing with something since the middle of the night a few days ago when I got a phone call at 3am. It doesn't involve my husband or children but it is family. This situation has been weighing on my heart and soul for a few days. Even though I say "everything is ok" - my heart is telling me it is not. I am very connected to those I love and who are around me. Even more so since my GMS. I'm very in-tune to what is going on even when I'm not with them. It has always been that way since I was a child but after my seizure it was multiplied 100%. I know something is going to happen before it happens. I just have a knowing this is a year of change for this person I love and it's not going to be a good one, hopefully that changes. I need to find peace so this doesn't hang over me and change who I am. So I have to focus on what I can. Making sure no matter what this person knows I love them. Which I know they do because they tell me anytime we speak. They also tell me I am the only person who has never given up on them. Which I never ever will do. I am actually the only person who takes the time to take classes weekly to learn how to deal with them, their addiction and myself. At first it made them mad but after it has brought us closer because they know they are that important to me and 2. they also know there is no bull between us. Just honesty. Addiction can be a roller coaster. You can think you are off the ride but then it starts up all over again. I pray it just stops and they find health and happiness. What I can do now after this is let go and let God, again. 

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.