Did You Hear?

Since I know more than say, think more than I speak and notice more than most realize here are some things to help those who have gossipy issues get through 2020 with a fresh start....

1. Rumors are carried by people with hate in their heart. Spread by fools and accepted by idiots🤦🏼‍♀️ 2. If they gossip to you, they WILL gossip about you🤷🏼‍♀️ 3. Gossip dies when it hits a WISE person's ears 🙌

Make it your habit to shut down conversations that aim to bring other people down. Make this year the year you rise above hatred and smallness. Be an example for those both young and old. If you have time to gossip you have time for something positive. Find a healthy new habit. Workout your mind, your body or your heart. You are what you surround yourself with. Rise above

A New Decade

Walking in and out of the hospital for the past few days I have passed this lady. She brings my heart a sigh each time. 10 years ago a friend of mine passed of cancer in this building. It was this time of year. Cold and dark most days out. She longed to be in the sun. We would push her down the hall to the big windows to sit in the sun. One morning she said I just want to FEEL the sun. So we wrapped her up as warm as we could head to toe. We pushed her past the nurses station. I believe to this day they pretended not to see. Jumped in the elevator and out the front door. We stood in front of this statue with her in her wheel chair. She knew her time here was almost over. She didn't say it but I know it. She felt that sun. Breathed that air. It was truly the most beautiful vision. Today is the first day of the year. Of a new decade even. Try to find the beauty in it. Even in the sad memories.. even in an ordinary moment. Life is beautiful. Just look.

Never stop being a good person because of bad people. Never let the opinions of others or the made up stories they create to help them feel good about themselves make you doubt who you are. Don't let one person opinion dislodge everything you know about you. When you do you, you lose a piece of you. Once somebody told me I was not worthy of goal. I fought for that goal and in the end couldn't achieve it because all the obstacles in my way. That person was my parent. That goal was college. That is why college in nonnegotiable in our home. It is why we are so proud of our college grad and our little one just starting. They are our dreams coming true but living their dreams at the same time 💜 throughout my life I have had many walls in my way. Health, people, life. I don't see them as the end but something to get through because nobody will ever stop me again. What I have found with time was any deflection or negativity usually is not based on anything I did but something from their past. Something who hurt them or their limiting insecurities, cruelties or issues. So when faced with a terrible person remember not to stop living but to keep loving. Show the world there are good people like you despite the negativity. When you show the world that you will see the peacemakers, the light keepers, the truth makers and those filled with faith. You will find your Tribe.

9 1/2 years ago today I almost died. Yes, it sounds dramatic but it is true. I don't remember 2 hours of my life. I was a normal 34 year old mom and woke up with a brain condition and my life has never been the same. In the beginning that was horrible. Today it is a victory. I am almost at 10 years with one Gran Mal. Although I have had my ups and downs and live on meds I am an overcomer. This is what I pray for a controlled brain. I beat the massive anxiety attached to this. I pulled myself out of the tailspin. It took a few years but I did it. My life is a gift not a death sentence. I have my scars but I share them to show others they too can survive whatever is before them. I lost that 125. I have kept it off. I have control of my anxiety. I show others with faith, hope and positivity anything is possible. None of this was in me before my seizure. It took almost taking the life out of me to find the piece of me to serve. Although this is not something I would want I am so glad that God used me to help so many through Girls Gone Healthy. If you feel you are at rock bottom just wait something may be revealed to you with time. I never would have believed the life that would have came to me out of almost having the life taken from me. This is not a path I would have picked but being able to help so many is something my heart is happy to do.

A Spark

Sometimes you don't get it fully until years later the impact someone has on your life. If Amy hadn't had popped up in my life and taught me these lessons I may never have found the new me. I may never have become healthy. I may never have paid it forward by becoming Girls Gone Healthy and helping others. All it it takes is one spark to change the path of your life. I truly believe she was my spark. Without this spark my life could have been so different.
8 years ago today my friend died of cancer. There is a lesson in this loss so I will share. She touched my life and if I can pay forward what she taught me to a few more it would be a beautiful honor to her today. I was with her almost every day of her life for the last 6 weeks. Not because I knew her forever or she was my neighbor. She worked at my daughter's school and there was a call and need for help with her. I had known of her for years, my daughter loved her and her family needed help. I was a stay at home mom with kids at school and had time to offer. Those 6 weeks of close friendship I can't describe to you really. In a situation like this one day is like a year. We talked, held hands, laughed.. cried, prayed. She taught me to see the beauty in the simplest things. I was still stuck after my seizure and had not found my way out. She helped me to start seeing the light. One morning she had a request she wanted to feel the sun. So even though it was cooler out we bundled her and brought her in front of a window. She said please just bring me outside. Which we did even though technically we weren't suppose to. You could see every care she had wash away when she could feel the sun, smell the air and be outside for those few minutes. Something we do all the time and don't think twice about. She showed me selfless love. Her #1 concern at all times were her children. How they were doing. When were they coming? Were their days as normal as possible. She taught me undying faith. When at the time in my faith I myself would have been angry to leave my children so young. To have to deal with all of this pain. She NEVER was. She always remained faithful and strong in her love for God. I was at a point myself where I turned my back on my faith because after my diagnosis I felt abandoned. I just had too many emotions to see. She helped show me that even in the greatest trial I am not alone. She praised His name with every breath she had. There are so many things she taught me these are just a few but one that reminds me of her almost daily is this. When things get tough you keep on going. You never give up. On her board in her hospital room were these 3 simple words from her favorite movie...
Just Keep Swimming
Appreciate every moment, hug and love your family, enjoy every laugh and conversation, experience life's moments don't just blindly live, have faith even in the darkest of times and NEVER lose hope or give up. Never be afraid to lend a helping hand. My life would never have been the same if I would have ignored this request.

Control

Pretty morning sunrise run. Actually a much needed sunrise #om  I woke up stressed out because my children are getting older and the Holidays potentially will not look like this next year. So in my mind I started orchestrating scenarios of what we will do, how it will look, how we can keep things "Moran Clan" because I need my babies with me on the Holidays. Ok it's now 5:30am I'm filled with anxiety over things and what I am doing is not orchestrating but "controlling". You think I would have learned 9.5 years ago when the life was almost knocked out of me that I am never in control. I battled that for a long time and it was horrible. The one thing I learned from that is even though I am not in control is I always have a choice. I made a choice about that when I decided to make the rest of my life the best of my life. I made a choice when I decided to get healthy. I also make a choice each morning when I open my eyes and thank God for giving me another day. So now I simply need to remember I have another choice. To be present. To choose joy and peace in my heart and let what will be , be. Because He has just made my children more magnificent with every year. I have always told my friends scared when their kids are going into College it just keeps getting better because it has. I know that wherever the road leads it will be ok and we will be together. So if I have to remind myself 100 times I will to just breathe and enjoy now.

43

Daily I am grateful for these two but twice a year I am over the moon grateful. That is on my Life Day 6-16 I just had #9 seizure free. Then on my Birthday. Today is my 43rd. How could I ask for anything in the world when God has already given me the best gifts in the world. My children. Also the opportunity not to leave this world when they were 6 and 12 but to be here and as healthy as I can be 9 years later. They are my why.

Why I lost the 110, why I try daily. Best thing we have raised two amazing humans that would make any parent proud. Many want stacks of presents I will just be glad with the opportunity to be "present" in their lives. Don't ever take that for granted. Your life is a gift.