So...
I have been a little quiet lately because I have been going through
some stuff. It's odd because I am dealing with it much better than I did
6 years ago. I am not shell shocked and in PTSD. I also haven't had a
huge hit like a gran mal just some abnormal things and tests are being
run. We don't have answers yet -might not until next week as we are
nearing a weekend. One thing I have not want
to do is share too much.. which has lead me to reflect on why. I know
why. I have an invisible illness. To the outside world and to me most
times I look fine. I like it that way. I don't want to look weak or
broken. I have come too far to be seen that way in my mind. I have
overcome being an abused child, being overweight, finding I have a
seizure disorder, PTSD, I have lost 105 lbs, maintained it for years,
learned how to have healthy relationship with addicts in my family, to
say no to people and yes to me. I am an over comer. I am strong. Now I
am stopped in my tracks because something is not right. I honestly
haven't slept much because I'm scared to. I hate to be morbid but if the
worse happened I could have a seizure and suffocate in my pillow. When
my eyes opened this morning my first thought was - thank you God I'm
alive. Then as I spent most of the day reflecting on this I remembered
the worst day of my life already happened 6-16-08 - and I lived. Then I
lived in darkness. I will never live in that darkness again. I was saved
from death 6 years ago to live a good life. To see my children grow. To
love my husband. To grow more with my family and siblings. To help
others. To let them see things are possible if they set their minds to
it. To let them see the positive even in the most difficult times. In
doing so I have to drop the wall and share it all with you. I have to
let it go and trust the path my life is to take. So far life has not
been perfect but it has made me strong, kind and compassionate. Traits I
would not have had if I had never been weak.
I may not be perfect but I am enough, alive and grateful.
Now I'm going to take a nap.
We
have been cleaning out our storage. This box hasn't seen the light of
day in 7 plus years. My daughter opened it and said what is ALL this??
Well, it is my diet box of shame - lol!!! Protein diet drinks,
metabolism pills, fiber pills, fat suckers and bippity bippity boo.
Guess what?? I gave this.... crap... up learned clean eating and lost
over 100 lbs in a year. Plus, I maintained it for almost
3 years now. This is why I love the 21 Day Fix so much. It is like the
creator climbed into my head and pulled out everything I could have
taught you. She even simplified it. If you want to put these chemicals
and such in your body - really it is your choice. If you want to learn
from my dieting yo-yo mistakes- I was the QUEEN!!. I'm here for you. If I
am not convincing enough my challengers lost 58.6 lbs this week! 785.4
lbs in 34 weeks. Clean Eating is for life not something you do until a
bottle is empty. Or you shove it in a box for 7 years because it made
you feels sick, your heart race out of your chest, possibly made you
have a seizure. It's healthy - it is for life. Something to make you
feel successful, proud and a great parent parent for leading a healthy
life. Showing that box made me feel like the former me was a failure to my 13 year old.
I'm so glad that is not me any longer. Now I am proud to have done it right and for life.
#beproud #eatclean #trashthebox #girlsgonehealthy
I will admit this is not the typical before and after pic of someone who has lost
over 100 lbs. Losing weight though is so much more than the number on
the scale or the size in your pants. It is who you are. Who you become.
The confidence you get in finding yourself. Also what that does for your
children. The girl on the left would NEVER have acted silly for fear of
being seen. I didn't want to be seen let alone have anyone look at me. I
was taught unless I was perfect I wasn't worthy of love or praise. The
girl on the right knows different. I know that the only person I need to
please is me. It is OK to be perfectly imperfect. It is OK to be silly.
It is ok to start to have confidence. My daughter and I drove cross
country this summer and some of the best memories are stopping at random
souvenir shops. Spending a half an hour being silly, trying on a
sombrero and taking selfies. Who care who was looking! We are just a Mom
and a daughter making memories. Also, I was teaching her lessons the Mom
on the left would not.
She is silly, beautiful, worthy, perfectly imperfect and loved She has the confidence it took me 36 years to find. That is the greatest gift I can give her.
#endthetrend #raisedwithlove #fullcircle
How many of us sit around and wait for tomorrow to act on the things we say we want
to do? Tomorrow you will workout. Next week you will eat cleaner. Next
month... maybe.. when life calms down. This I can tell you from 40 years
of living. Life will never calm down, something will always be
changing, someone or something will always need your attention. So what
can you do about it? Stop waiting. Put yourself first just a little bit
each day and watch amazing things happen. Procrastination has robbed you
of too many moments and opportunities. Find that list you have... You
know the one - the list of should haves and some days. Why are you
waiting? The time is now. Tomorrow is not a guarantee my friends!
If it is important to you - you will find a way and do it today.
#lovelife #doitnow
