Be The Change

I typically steer clear of negativity because I don't allow it in my life. I saw this though in my feed this morning and to be honest, it pissed me off. So I decided to scribble all over it. I am so sick of women being haters in this world. Women are to support, encourage and empower one another. We aren't to belittle and tear one another down. When I see post like this it makes me sad for the poster. For what is going on in their life that makes them act out so unkindly. I personally have tried every diet.. Every..single.. diet. I have gained back on every diet. Except when I ate clean and did it naturally with the help of a balanced life ( Natalie Portman please clap ) That does not mean I think it is wrong when anybody else does it any other way. It is their path. Their journey and not mine to judge. If they want advice I will give it to them, If they ask. If they want me to cheer them on. I will - without being asked. You know why? We all lose it pound by pound. The work is keeping it off and being healthy for life. This world is filled with enough judgment and hate. How about being the change? Being the women who love, encourage and pay it forward and who are examples for the next generation.

A Second Chance

I came across a journal entry from 2 years ago I thought I would share with you today.

I had a checkup with my Neurologist today. I think my Dr. is wonderful. He has helped me so much over the past 5 years since I was diagnosed with my seizure condition. That doesn't stop me from reliving the day the seizure happened and makes appt. days very stressful to me. I remember laughing in the car with my kids on the way to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen, putting on our aprons, helping get ready in the Kitchen...then my world went black. I woke up for a split second in ambulance when a Paramedic was giving me an IV. Thinking where am I. Then out again. I was out for an hour an half and to this day that hour haunts me. I'm so glad people were around to care for my then 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter. I can't imagine what they were going though. Or what my husband was when he got the call to go the Emergency Room. I don't even want to go into how I felt when I woke up with my husband staring at me or driving home not knowing what was truly wrong. We didn't have a diagnosis for a week. After that my world was lived in fear of all of this happening again. I was in a very long and scary depression - for months. Sleeping, eating and crying was about all I did. Then I had that morning that I woke and realized I was alive. I could have had that seizure driving my car, in a tub or just in a bad place and died. I realized I was alive and I was going to be grateful for this for every moment I could. No more tears - just joy. No more fear - just life. No more excuses - time to change. That was my Ah-a moment. Don't wait for life to knock you down to have one. If you are lucky enough to have a second chance in life like me - don't waste it. Live it and love it. Your next breath is not a guarantee - that is something I know from experience.

I am over 7 years strong now. I am even more of a  positive person then I was 2 years ago. I have learned to let things go. To pay things forward. To live a good life. Life isn't always perfect. Looking back though everything happens perfectly. With time and reflection I live and learn from the trials and triumphs. My tests have become my testimony. I am so thankful for my life and all who are in it. As my friend stated so wonderful yesterday -  I am work in progress - written by the masters hand. 

Notes For My Desk

My heart is filled with so much love. Ask my sister when this post came through I read it to her and it made me cry. I know you all probably get tired of hearing about my Challengers and our daily gratitude. These girls though are so much more to me then part of my job. They are part of my life. In losing my weight I wanted to pay it forward and help others have a safe place of support and encouragement. To have that validated on our "kindness" gratitude day...well is amazing. I love all you girls. Thank you for helping me make such a wonderful group. We make a wonderful tribe.This is going on my desk for the days I need a little inspiration. I love it when life comes full circle.

What Women Do

When women become aware of another's success, talents or power they can do a few things. A- Admire, learn and be empowered by you or B- they will try to diminish or compete with you. Those who take route B will feel justified in it. Seeing the success of others makes them upset so they fight everything those women are to feel OK where they are. I was once there. I get seeing others in weight loss success and not being there yet. There are many aspects of my life that others are far above me in. I am so proud of them and all they are. I admire them and I will seek the knowledge that they have to grow myself. I hold no ill will, anger or hostility. For one those emotions aren't allowed in my life. I feel what you put out into the world you get more back. When I am attacked or have unjustified anger directed towards me I will walk away. Not that I am not willing to fight it, talk about it ect. But sometimes there is no talking to someone who is not willing to hear. This energy is simply also something I will not allow in my life and not engage with. It is toxic. I use to have to have a need to be heard, to feel accepted and loved. This comes from the emotional abuse from a parent. When I feel someone acting in a manor such as this I really leave quick. The love I seek now I already have. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. As a very wise friend said to me "Bless and release" That is what you need to do with any unhealthy relationship. If it is meant to be it will be. When it is healthy, it is worth it. When it has triggers of negativity and toxic on it I will not allow it in. What I do allow in is compassion, understanding, supporting, loving and empowerment. That is what women do. Keep this in mind as you interact with others. What is important. What is worth allowing into my life. What I put out into the world would I like to get back in return? Also, would I be proud of my decisions enough to share it as a lesson to my daughter. That is always my goal. Yes, I am.

Memories Of My Poppa

22 years ago today was the saddest of my life. The day my Poppa passed away. He was beside my Daddy the first man I ever loved. This morning on my run I really focused on thinking about him. Of all his grandkids I know we were the closet. He even flew me to his house for the week of my 16th Birthday for a special shopping trip and one on one time with him and my Grandma. He taught me that love doesn't die when someone leaves you due to death or circumstances. He has proved that by popping up in my life with our special symbol ever since he left. Even though he is gone I have always felt him with me. Everybody loved my Poppa. He owned a Bar. He was a people person. I feel I got that trait from him. I love people, I love conversation and I know that is my gift from him. When he passed it came really fast we were told we needed to get to him quickly. In the middle of booking tickets we received the call that it was too late. He was gone.  Even though I was just 18 I carried the guilt of not being there and him being alone. That is until I had my brush with death 7 years ago. Now I know he wasn't alone. There isn't many times I will talk about the details in that hour and half I was unconscious but that hour and half gives me peace on situations like this. I know he wasn't alone in the end. I know in that time he was peaceful and pain free. That finally set my guilt free.

HOPE

Change is good. I'm not talking just about the 110 lbs I lost. I am talking about the new person I am. On the left I was not only morbidly obese. I was just diagnosed with a very scary disease. One I will be treated for for life. I was scared, hopeless, hanging on by a thread and trying to survive daily. The only thing that made me put on a brave face and a smile was my children. That only happened when they were around. The other times I was miserable and horribly negative. Until one day I saw a light. That light was hope. Hope that I could have a better life. I woke up one morning and decided that my life wasn't a death sentence but a gift.  I believed in my soul I could be better. I might not be the same but what was wrong with that? I was basically broken in body, mind and spirit. Wasn't it time to change? I promised myself no matter how much time I had I would make the rest of my life - the best of my life. It wouldn't be perfect. It might be a mess at times but I will make my way. I was not only going to heal myself from the damage from condition, I was going to heal myself from my childhood and from obesity. That first year with nutrition and workouts I lost 102 lbs. The following 3 so far I have maintained 110 lb loss. I have set boundaries in all relationships that only allows good healthy, positive people around me and my family. I ended the toxic trends that have been in my family for generations. Now years later I help other people get healthy and change their lives the same way I did. No magic. Just nutrition, workouts and positivity. Tragic events can knock you down but it can only hold you there and define you IF you let it. I have decided I am not allowing it. I define me. So can you.

Maintaining a 110 LB Loss

Many have asked me how I maintain my 110 lb loss for over 3 years. I didn't have a deadline to stop.I created routine in my life. I eat clean, get cardio and resistance/ weights. You simply can not lose if you just do one. I turned my negative mind to a positive one. Also after years of looking for and trying to find I discovered there was no quick fix. I hold it all. I simply changed my life by waking up one morning and deciding to do it. Body, mind and spirit. Always.