Control

Pretty morning sunrise run. Actually a much needed sunrise #om  I woke up stressed out because my children are getting older and the Holidays potentially will not look like this next year. So in my mind I started orchestrating scenarios of what we will do, how it will look, how we can keep things "Moran Clan" because I need my babies with me on the Holidays. Ok it's now 5:30am I'm filled with anxiety over things and what I am doing is not orchestrating but "controlling". You think I would have learned 9.5 years ago when the life was almost knocked out of me that I am never in control. I battled that for a long time and it was horrible. The one thing I learned from that is even though I am not in control is I always have a choice. I made a choice about that when I decided to make the rest of my life the best of my life. I made a choice when I decided to get healthy. I also make a choice each morning when I open my eyes and thank God for giving me another day. So now I simply need to remember I have another choice. To be present. To choose joy and peace in my heart and let what will be , be. Because He has just made my children more magnificent with every year. I have always told my friends scared when their kids are going into College it just keeps getting better because it has. I know that wherever the road leads it will be ok and we will be together. So if I have to remind myself 100 times I will to just breathe and enjoy now.

43

Daily I am grateful for these two but twice a year I am over the moon grateful. That is on my Life Day 6-16 I just had #9 seizure free. Then on my Birthday. Today is my 43rd. How could I ask for anything in the world when God has already given me the best gifts in the world. My children. Also the opportunity not to leave this world when they were 6 and 12 but to be here and as healthy as I can be 9 years later. They are my why.

Why I lost the 110, why I try daily. Best thing we have raised two amazing humans that would make any parent proud. Many want stacks of presents I will just be glad with the opportunity to be "present" in their lives. Don't ever take that for granted. Your life is a gift.

Stop Smoking

I don't need to tell you about the chemicals you are inhaling. I don't need to tell you about the damage you are doing to your heart and lungs. I don't need to tell you that you are actually hurting your loved ones with the effects of second and third hand smoke. Why? You already know it. Most smokers I know and who have had issues with my posts through my personal page and Girls Gone Healthy have said they find these facts fuel to keep them going. Like someone is challenging them to keep going. When actually all someone is trying to do is love and encourage you to health. I could have been the same way with my weight 110 lbs ago. I could have held on to the weight to show the world, to spite them. I decided though to be the healthiest and best version of me I needed to change my life. Showing the world that you can live unhealthy and be "ok" is not as amazing as showing the world what you can overcome and they can too 💗 Be brighter put down the lighter. #changeyourlife #beanexample #notobaccoday

She's Back!

After my health set back I started stepping back into fitness last week. Today is the first day I feel like me today. Have you ever just wanted to shout from a mountain because you feel so good? That would be today! Is it because everything is 100%? Nope. Is it because the anxiety to it all is gone? Nope. My health will never be perfect. I need to gain a little weight ( that is a new one ) I need to regain muscle. I need to get back to fully running after having to take a little time off.  I am always going to have trials. For goodness sake I have a broken brain. I live on seizures meds twice daily to assure that I will never have another. You know what though. I will always have anxiety attached to all of that. I can live in that fact. Wallow in it. Or I can SING! Sing in all I have overcome. I am seizure free almost 9 years! I conquered paralyzing fears attached to my diagnosis. I lost 110 lbs 5 years ago and have maintained it! Instead of taking High blood Pressure Meds I became a runner in a year and have better then perfect Blood Pressure. The girl that was hurt by family and just placed boundaries and walked away truly forgave everyone and lives in peace. I also have given up negativity and live purely in hope, faith and love. So even though there is plenty that is NOT perfect there is SO much that IS!! So I SING Also I get back into fitness little by little, step by step. To me it is so exciting to have a fun place to start again!
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Here is my plan! 1. I have picked a squat and pushup challenge that I'm starting on JUNE 1. 2. hitting the road slowly again with my Polar. 5 times a week. 3.Posting what I'm grateful for daily - Now you can join me. Nope I'm not a Coach or with a fitness company. There is no cost or strings. Just a group of girls in a private group getting healthy for JUNE! 

The Art of Healing

Who knew that healing could take so long. I just noticed I have not blogged in almost a year. Someone told me it would happen soon because I was ready. I really didn't know what that meant until I went through Mother's Day weekend. A weekend I typically dread. Not because I'm not a good Mom. Not because I don't have wonderful children but because what I see from everyone else. What I feel I miss out on in life. A good relationship with a loving Mom. In the past I have felt I have healed from this but when moments like this come up and it still stings you know you haven't. This Mother's Day I did not think of her or our relationship once. I enjoyed my family and the day. Social media did not bother me. It was calm it was peaceful. A few days later I reflected on this. I have had my safe boundaries set for years. I do not want her in my life. Those words usually came with anger. Now they come with calm. I forgive her for what she has done for... Me, not her. I can actually look at my life and see things that happened were not a reflection of me. They were a reflection of her. They have to deal with her past. Her not being able to overcome what had happened to her. I have sadness that she was unable to do that so she could create a better life for her and all her children. I forgive her and release that. If she has issues they are hers. Not mine. I have learned to live and love with hope and peace. To change the direction for my family for one that had so many addictions, secrets and lies to one centered around truth, love and faith. Not a show, not for pictures. All for real. We are not perfect but we love one another fiercly. I have done what most people can not do I have ended the trend. I can 100% say I forgive her for what she has done. My heart and soul is healed. As with all things in my life they have just made me stronger, more understanding and more compassionate to others. So in the end I thank her.

"Just Yoga"

I may have been through the longest week I have had in a long time. Lots of fun.. But lots to do and on the go non-stop. It's also the week I added yoga to my life. It's "just" yoga after all, right? Boy, did I learn my lesson. There is no "just" in yoga. How can 30 minutes on a yoga mat, with my body weight, stretching and breathing really work so great!!?? It's not just body it is mind and letting go. It's active but not aggressive. It is perfect alone or pairs great with other workouts. When I'm done I feel amazing and the next morning I feel changes in my body. Plus the peace it brings you. I'm totally in love with this. They said it is yoga simplified but to me it is yoga perfection.

Isn't this the truth? Take a look at what someone posts about, at what someone talks about, you will see what they are truly all about. You are like the 5-10 people you are around most. Do they inspire you or drain you? Do they push you to be more or hold you right where you are? Growth, positivity and inspiration are so important. Your friends will want the best for you and that starts with example they lead in their lives. Surround yourself with exceptional doers and thinkers. Except nothing else.