Letting Go

Personal confession. I have been dealing with something since the middle of the night a few days ago when I got a phone call at 3am. It doesn't involve my husband or children but it is family. This situation has been weighing on my heart and soul for a few days. Even though I say "everything is ok" - my heart is telling me it is not. I am very connected to those I love and who are around me. Even more so since my GMS. I'm very in-tune to what is going on even when I'm not with them. It has always been that way since I was a child but after my seizure it was multiplied 100%. I know something is going to happen before it happens. I just have a knowing this is a year of change for this person I love and it's not going to be a good one, hopefully that changes. I need to find peace so this doesn't hang over me and change who I am. So I have to focus on what I can. Making sure no matter what this person knows I love them. Which I know they do because they tell me anytime we speak. They also tell me I am the only person who has never given up on them. Which I never ever will do. I am actually the only person who takes the time to take classes weekly to learn how to deal with them, their addiction and myself. At first it made them mad but after it has brought us closer because they know they are that important to me and 2. they also know there is no bull between us. Just honesty. Addiction can be a roller coaster. You can think you are off the ride but then it starts up all over again. I pray it just stops and they find health and happiness. What I can do now after this is let go and let God, again. 

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Amazing Grace

So I took this picture to rub it into a girlfriends face (with love) that I ran in 77 degrees today in a tanktop. Right after I took it I started to run and a song came on and I couldn't use the picture to tease her any longer. At that moment my running changed to a feeling of freedom. A few years ago after my diagnosis I felt like someone was holding me underwater every minute of the day. Like I couldn't breathe. Even though everything on the outside looked ok. I was so broken inside. I played the act of a good wife, good mom, good friend all the while I was scared to death to live. I was afraid everything I loved would be pulled out from under me. Drowning underwater afraid to live for fear of dying. Do you know how good it is to be better? To be beyond better. To have fixed my life mind, body and spirit. I have learned to be truly happy. To live in the moment. To not be scared of the next one. To fix my broken relationships. To set boundaries with unhealthy relationships or to even let them go. With that I have new people in my life. Healthy beautiful relationships. The relationships I had have been brought to a whole new level. I am a better wife, mother and friend. My soul is actually silent. I don't have chaos in my mind. I once was lost. Thank God I'm found.

I'm Gonna Let It Shine

Seems like I am stuck in a world that is 50/50. I have my happy, positive, encouraging friends. Then there are the people that are negativity, passive aggressive, angry ect. Sometimes I feel that it almost leans more towards the negative then the positive. In reality it is not, it is just because it is so opposite of everything I find wonderful, inspiring and allow in my life. So for the people who want to be happy, who always want to see the good and who never want to give up. Who know that every single day is a gift I will let my light shine. Hopefully it will change a heart to see that if even someone like me can change their life, so can they. So I encourage you to to do the same - go let your light shine.

Sunrise

The sunrise is always a reminder to me that on June 16th 2008 I was given a second chance at life. Every single morning before my feet hit the floor I thank God for giving me a second chance at life. Also for putting Dr's in my life to help me live. For finally getting me out of the tunnel that I was living in that told me after my diagnosis my life was a death sentence and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For allowing me the opportunity to see my children grow. For allowing me to have true and beautiful relationships with my friends and family. Being a survivor changes your outlook on life. Some see me as tough. I see myself as full of love and encouraging others to find the same. Life is too short to be wasted. It can be gone in one second. Ask my kids. They saw me drop to the ground and be loaded on to an ambulance unconscious. You want something in life. Do it, with love and happiness.

Flip the Script

Your whole entire life you have been playing recordings in your head. Are you speaking to yourself with love and encouragement? Or are you speaking to yourself negatively, with hate and self doubt. You may not even realize you are doing it. Those broken records may have been put there by a parent or even someone you love or have loved in the past You are either your biggest coach or your biggest critic. So as I challenged my Challengers today it is time to flip this habit - TODAY!! I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down every negative thing you can think of about yourself.. Seriously, nobody is looking. It's just you!! Write it down. Put a BIG black line through it. Then I want you to write the opposite!! The next time you start to THINK that terrible thing about yourself out of habit I want you to go to your NEW HEALTHY habit. Thinking of yourself as the amazing person that you are. You have a choice with every single thought..It is time to flip the script.

Pushing Through

So.. This is me procrastinating on my run. I walked to the lake and sat on a rock. Lol!! It happens!! Guess what though after I sit here and am thankful for a few minutes I will get of my butt and run. Then go home and lift weights with On Demand. Not wanting to workout happens. Pushing past it is the important part. Don't let a day roll into a week. A week roll into a month. A pound roll into 10. 10 roll into 20. A size roll into 5 even 10 more sizes. Trust me it happens quicker than you think!! I use to allow it to happen many times until I took ownership of my health. My health is a habit. Healthy habits = healthy choices! Even if you have to sit on a rock for a moment to remember how blessed you are to have this perfectly impefect healthy life. Making healthy habits and pushing through to the new person will change your life.

The BIG But

So many have goals. They have one thing stopping them though... The big BUT.. You may not even know you are doing it. I didn't for the longest time. Once you get out of your way and look in your rear-view mirror you will see all the buts lined up just like speed bumps in some cases mountains! How do I know? I lived it. I had every excuse. It won't work. I've tried. I have an illness/disease. I'm on meds. I would even place blame on others. Why even try.... Why, because I was and am worth it. I am proof - I overcame 110 lbs, medicine, a brain disability I have to deal with the rest of my life. I did it - so can you. Even if you don't get it right and you don't succeed right from day one. You are making healthy habits. Those habits will eventually win!! Be smart enough to know when you and your buts are in the way and get out of the way.