New Years Memories With Love

Even though this is from 6 years ago tonight it is still one of my favorites pics. Surprisingly our son took it at my brothers wedding in Florida. He was 14 and did say "ew" after.  I still love him this much and we have been together 21 years. We were just children when we met at 19 and 20. We were married after 6 months.  When you know, you know. I am so blessed that this man has loved supported me through thick and thin. I show him a before picture and he can't believe that it is me because he never saw me as that. He just saw me as the person he loves. Not a number or a size. He has loved me despite the drama my family use to bring before I learned to shut them off. He has been there through the loss of a pregnancy. He has been there every step of the way raising our two children. He was the person at the end of my bed when I woke up in the ER being unconscious for almost 2 hours. He is there for everything.  Sometimes you have to go through trials in life to become the person you are meant to be. It sure is nice to have somebody to grow up with, hold your hand and love you with honesty the whole way.

Keep the Pictures

I have HATED this picture for years. It was a few years ago today. What I love was the memories from this day. It was a few days before Christmas. We ran into San Francisco ( or "France and Disco" as my Daughter liked to call it ) for a day of fun. We ran up to the top of the Golden Gate Park and took family pictures. It was SO windy and cold. I wrapped my scarf around my head and took this silly pic. Along with the hundreds other we took up there. Hiking around was hard for me. I weighed about 100 lbs more than I do now but I did my best to keep up with my family. Later that day we went down to the The Palace of Fine Arts and Pier and it was so warm even in December that we left our jackets in the car. We had a beautifully perfect day. A day my children will always remember of me and their Poppa and one another. Of decorations, of pictures of them pretending to to hold up the Golden Gate Bridge and eating yummy snack while watching Seal Lions on the Pier. Not of their Mom and her insecurities. Not of their Mom huffing and puffing to keep up. Not of their mom being 100 lbs heavier. They remember laughing, loving, family fun. So in the end this hated picture reminds me of the same. Even though I have physically changed I am still me. If I had, God forbid, left this earth over the last few years due to my seizure condition this picture would probably be cherished for the moment. So take the darn pictures. Get over your insecurities. Document your life. Make the Memories.

Polar Christmas

Special deliver just came to my door from Polar! So excited to try out these new products and report back to you on how absolutely amazing they are. So blessed to be an Ambassador for such an amazing company. I already worked out today but I see another happening because I can't wait until tomorrow. Now the tough question.. Do I start with the A360 or Crystal Loop?

For My Daddy - Always His Girl

One thing you can tell about me is music moves me. The other day I was driving and this song came on while listening to Carrie Underwood. It brought tears to my eyes because it was my life. I was that little girl in a little white church wearing angel wings. I even had the picture! A picture we had to search for. I even contacted friends in MA from years ago as I knew this would be just as special to my Dad as it was to me. The picture just popped up! 4 days before Christmas. So this version will be my fill in until I get the real one to my Dad. My Dad is one person I have never had to guess. I have always known his love. I also know I even at 41 am still his little girl.

https://youtu.be/uLIOWEYZqNA

Choose Happiness

                                         
Happiness is a choice made over and over. You CAN have happiness. You just have to pick it. I know if you aren't happy this sounds impossible. Just remember I was at rock bottom for a long time.  I woke up one day and decided to change my life - and I did. It's not always perfect but it's always much better than it was.  Also after years of making this choice it is now just natural. Positivity, happiness and joy are like muscles. The more you use them the stronger they become and easier they are to use. If you are unhappy wake-up tomorrow and decide that it is the day your life will change.

And it will.

Always Find A Lesson

I was reminded of something yesterday in those daily "on these day" reminders on Facebook I sometimes check out. Yesterday, 3 years ago something sort of significant in my life happened. Significant then , now.. not so much. But there was a lesson and there was a reason behind it. Our town has all of these groups for Moms. I found them to be draining and horrid. They were suppose to be a place for info and sharing. They seemed to be a place for gossip, gossip, a little info and oh, yeah did I mention gossip? I was a year into my weight loss and in a happy place and seeing this was just not ok with me. I decided I would start my own Facebook town group. A positive place for all the good people and info - lol! This was before I had ever done anything on social media so it was my first step out into "group land". Boy was I naive!! The bigger it got the more I questioned what have I done? One day it became a monster. A monster with my name attached to it. So what was I going to do .. be the people pleaser I was at that point and let it continue? Or shut it down? Making that decision was hard. Why? Because what would people think of me. I decided though that what I thought of me was much more important than any negative person in this town would ever think of me. So my best friend and I stayed up all night one by one removing people from the group. That is how it is done and it took forever!! The next morning there was quite a backlash. Nasty emails. You name it. Why? Over a group.. How nuts is that? Within hours they had started another one and with a lack of creativity just added an extra word to the group name - lol. Guess I'm good at names!! So time for the lessons... I thought how in the world am I going to live in this town with these wacky raging women. How? Looking back WHY was I worried about what others had thought of me? I tried to make something great. Something positive. Something that in my eyes failed. Something that if I continued to let grow and it had my name attached to it would be everything in the world that I DO NOT stand for. So how have I carried on? With my head held high and with pride. Starting this little group opened my heart to helping others and a few months later I did start my BIG group the passion of my heart. Girls Gone Healthy. If I hadn't of started that little group I closed I may have never had the courage to do it. GGH is all I was seeking and didn't know that was what I needed yet. I get to help encourage and motivate others to health and happiness through my story of weight loss and my medical condition. The last lesson and a great one which I will take the words from Coco Channel - “I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.” It took a reminder 3 years later to even make me remember! I am though thankful because even though I felt I had failed at the time it made me stronger. It was when the people pleaser left the building.

Today's "Why"

On Wednesday's in my groups we always share our "why's" Typically it is our why to being healthy physically. I heard this song on Monday and it literally made me cry. It reminded me of my "why" to finding my road to health mentally. That moment after a very long time of living through PTSD after my seizure I gave up from being WORN. I needed to know the struggle would end. That a struggle as deep as even mine could end and I could feel happy again. I did feel these lyrics...

I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

This is my WHY. There is life. There is love. There is joy. I did find it all again. Did my life magically become perfect? No, my brain condition is for life. The anxiety still exists. I just handed it over. I decided my life was a gift. To stop wasting it in tears and sorrow. To start loving it even if it wasn't perfect. I never want to be worn again. I want be filled with joy, love and life. If you are stuck know it is possible. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be active in looking for it.
https://youtu.be/zulKcYItKIA 

Thanksgiving

So grateful to have a perfectly calm Thanksgiving. To have all of the toxic family out of my life. Not to have to pretend things are OK when they are not. Not to have to be in a room full of people I don't want to be around or have my children around just to make people happy. Smiling and pretending all is OK, when you know it is all an illusion. To live in a world where enabling bad, addictive and toxic behavior is normal and being normal is considered wrong. So glad those days are gone. I will take my normal, parade watching, Christmas movie, loving, honest family any day over the mess of what we use to have to go through. I will gladly be the black sheep when I know I am the free sheep who set boundaries escaped the toxic wasteland and ended the trend that nobody else could or would.

Grumpy Morning Cure

Honest morning moment. Just so you know I am not Polly Anna. I have my grumpy moments. This morning is one. My cure? My running shoes, nature and Hillsong United. I even stopped to take pics of turtles for my nephew. I have lived through PTSD. Falling happens - getting up is what defines you! After being stuck in it for a long time I can tell you the quicker you pull out of it the better. Sometimes it's super hard. Now after being and living at rock bottom it's much easier for me to get out. I know what a horrible sad and lonely place it can be. I don't want to be there again. Even though there may be bad days there is something good in it. Have a plan and the seek out the good.

Note to Self

So I have a little injury and I am admitting to a little defeat. I have a hurt ankle. Which means no running and modified workouts. So this morning I went for a walk. I became very frustrated on my walk. I walk really fast. I can barely get my heart rate past 100 on my Polar though. What is the point I tell myself? Well the point is I am being active even when I am down and out. Also a HUGE point is I use to have high blood pressure before I got healthy. Now on a super fast walk I can barely get my heart rate to GO high. So hello Kim FOCUS on that!! There is always something that is going to hold you down, back or make you upset. It is how you look at it that can change everything.

Gratitude of Friendship

I am going to share this from my Challenge Group today. We have a morning focus on Gratitude. I think many can relate to this.

Morning Gratitude = friendship

I am so thankful for my friends. I have a big family.. That a choose not to be apart of about 75% of. I have set boundaries and walked away from them. Most will say family is forever. I say I choose my family. Family is love, respect, loyalty, laughter, fun. That isn't mine. Mine is sad, broken and toxic. My close FRIENDS are my chosen family. They are everything on that list that a family should be. My friends are my family. The people I knew as family are just a bunch of people placed in my life to teach me lessons of who I don't want to be and how I don't want to treat people. Friends are the family I get the honor to pick. I also feel they are an apology for the family I was given.

*If you do have a wonderful family - be grateful for that today. I am happy to say I have ended all the trends set before me. I am proudly giving a healthy family to my children and all future generations

My Son

Every once in a while I get the honor of boasting about my now adult ( 20 year old ) son. He truly makes me so proud and is so beyond anything I ever dreamed of him being. He is third year of College. Always been an amazing young man. The last few year he has really come into who wants to be. As most of you know he plans on going into Youth Ministry. Which if you look at my life he was the person who brought me back to the church. When I lost a baby at 19 weeks when he was 4 he asked me where she went. I just simply said "Gods House." We were driving down the freeway during this conversation and he pointed to something that he didn't even know was a newly constructed church.. I hadn't told him.. and he said "If she is there why aren't we too?" I started classes to convert the next week. Which really came out of nowhere as I was the first of my family to change religions. It was something I feel that was in my heart though I just wasn't listening until my little guy posed the question. Sometimes plans have been made forever - it just takes a while for us all to be ready. He has been meant to do this forever. He has been leading me since he was a toddler. Over the Summer he took a position as a Counselor at a camp a few hours from here. He also did music ministry there as he has with our church. Finally though he started singing not just playing his guitar. Now he does even more music ministry with our church. Leads music at Mass and does Praise and Worship with the High School youth. This one song is just so Avery to me. It fills my heart with joy to hear him sing it in our church or just to hear it on our home. He has an amazing voice more importantly the passion that comes through him is so moving. The words to this song are perfect too. Maybe someday I will get him to record it for his Dear Old Mom. 

 https://youtu.be/SDP8tQSR6uQ

Overwhelmed With Love

As I sit here at this candle light homecoming ceremony... Lights are off over the football field now. I'm over to the side with Phoenix now watching as an observer. I am so very grateful THIS is the life my daughter has. So different then mine was at her age. She has High School team fun, TWO parents who love her, no verbal, mental or physical abuse. No secrets. Nothing she is told to hide from people. No family secrets she will be shocked to learn in her 30's. A simple life filled with honesty.  A life of fun. A life of love. She knows how I grew up. She knows how lucky we are to be mother daughter and friends too. This just all is overwhelming to me tonight. We are blessed. I have ended the trend of abuse. If I had to go through everything I did to give her this life I would do it it a million times. I love her that much.

Be The Change

I typically steer clear of negativity because I don't allow it in my life. I saw this though in my feed this morning and to be honest, it pissed me off. So I decided to scribble all over it. I am so sick of women being haters in this world. Women are to support, encourage and empower one another. We aren't to belittle and tear one another down. When I see post like this it makes me sad for the poster. For what is going on in their life that makes them act out so unkindly. I personally have tried every diet.. Every..single.. diet. I have gained back on every diet. Except when I ate clean and did it naturally with the help of a balanced life ( Natalie Portman please clap ) That does not mean I think it is wrong when anybody else does it any other way. It is their path. Their journey and not mine to judge. If they want advice I will give it to them, If they ask. If they want me to cheer them on. I will - without being asked. You know why? We all lose it pound by pound. The work is keeping it off and being healthy for life. This world is filled with enough judgment and hate. How about being the change? Being the women who love, encourage and pay it forward and who are examples for the next generation.

A Second Chance

I came across a journal entry from 2 years ago I thought I would share with you today.

I had a checkup with my Neurologist today. I think my Dr. is wonderful. He has helped me so much over the past 5 years since I was diagnosed with my seizure condition. That doesn't stop me from reliving the day the seizure happened and makes appt. days very stressful to me. I remember laughing in the car with my kids on the way to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen, putting on our aprons, helping get ready in the Kitchen...then my world went black. I woke up for a split second in ambulance when a Paramedic was giving me an IV. Thinking where am I. Then out again. I was out for an hour an half and to this day that hour haunts me. I'm so glad people were around to care for my then 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter. I can't imagine what they were going though. Or what my husband was when he got the call to go the Emergency Room. I don't even want to go into how I felt when I woke up with my husband staring at me or driving home not knowing what was truly wrong. We didn't have a diagnosis for a week. After that my world was lived in fear of all of this happening again. I was in a very long and scary depression - for months. Sleeping, eating and crying was about all I did. Then I had that morning that I woke and realized I was alive. I could have had that seizure driving my car, in a tub or just in a bad place and died. I realized I was alive and I was going to be grateful for this for every moment I could. No more tears - just joy. No more fear - just life. No more excuses - time to change. That was my Ah-a moment. Don't wait for life to knock you down to have one. If you are lucky enough to have a second chance in life like me - don't waste it. Live it and love it. Your next breath is not a guarantee - that is something I know from experience.

I am over 7 years strong now. I am even more of a  positive person then I was 2 years ago. I have learned to let things go. To pay things forward. To live a good life. Life isn't always perfect. Looking back though everything happens perfectly. With time and reflection I live and learn from the trials and triumphs. My tests have become my testimony. I am so thankful for my life and all who are in it. As my friend stated so wonderful yesterday -  I am work in progress - written by the masters hand. 

Notes For My Desk

My heart is filled with so much love. Ask my sister when this post came through I read it to her and it made me cry. I know you all probably get tired of hearing about my Challengers and our daily gratitude. These girls though are so much more to me then part of my job. They are part of my life. In losing my weight I wanted to pay it forward and help others have a safe place of support and encouragement. To have that validated on our "kindness" gratitude day...well is amazing. I love all you girls. Thank you for helping me make such a wonderful group. We make a wonderful tribe.This is going on my desk for the days I need a little inspiration. I love it when life comes full circle.

What Women Do

When women become aware of another's success, talents or power they can do a few things. A- Admire, learn and be empowered by you or B- they will try to diminish or compete with you. Those who take route B will feel justified in it. Seeing the success of others makes them upset so they fight everything those women are to feel OK where they are. I was once there. I get seeing others in weight loss success and not being there yet. There are many aspects of my life that others are far above me in. I am so proud of them and all they are. I admire them and I will seek the knowledge that they have to grow myself. I hold no ill will, anger or hostility. For one those emotions aren't allowed in my life. I feel what you put out into the world you get more back. When I am attacked or have unjustified anger directed towards me I will walk away. Not that I am not willing to fight it, talk about it ect. But sometimes there is no talking to someone who is not willing to hear. This energy is simply also something I will not allow in my life and not engage with. It is toxic. I use to have to have a need to be heard, to feel accepted and loved. This comes from the emotional abuse from a parent. When I feel someone acting in a manor such as this I really leave quick. The love I seek now I already have. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. As a very wise friend said to me "Bless and release" That is what you need to do with any unhealthy relationship. If it is meant to be it will be. When it is healthy, it is worth it. When it has triggers of negativity and toxic on it I will not allow it in. What I do allow in is compassion, understanding, supporting, loving and empowerment. That is what women do. Keep this in mind as you interact with others. What is important. What is worth allowing into my life. What I put out into the world would I like to get back in return? Also, would I be proud of my decisions enough to share it as a lesson to my daughter. That is always my goal. Yes, I am.

Memories Of My Poppa

22 years ago today was the saddest of my life. The day my Poppa passed away. He was beside my Daddy the first man I ever loved. This morning on my run I really focused on thinking about him. Of all his grandkids I know we were the closet. He even flew me to his house for the week of my 16th Birthday for a special shopping trip and one on one time with him and my Grandma. He taught me that love doesn't die when someone leaves you due to death or circumstances. He has proved that by popping up in my life with our special symbol ever since he left. Even though he is gone I have always felt him with me. Everybody loved my Poppa. He owned a Bar. He was a people person. I feel I got that trait from him. I love people, I love conversation and I know that is my gift from him. When he passed it came really fast we were told we needed to get to him quickly. In the middle of booking tickets we received the call that it was too late. He was gone.  Even though I was just 18 I carried the guilt of not being there and him being alone. That is until I had my brush with death 7 years ago. Now I know he wasn't alone. There isn't many times I will talk about the details in that hour and half I was unconscious but that hour and half gives me peace on situations like this. I know he wasn't alone in the end. I know in that time he was peaceful and pain free. That finally set my guilt free.

HOPE

Change is good. I'm not talking just about the 110 lbs I lost. I am talking about the new person I am. On the left I was not only morbidly obese. I was just diagnosed with a very scary disease. One I will be treated for for life. I was scared, hopeless, hanging on by a thread and trying to survive daily. The only thing that made me put on a brave face and a smile was my children. That only happened when they were around. The other times I was miserable and horribly negative. Until one day I saw a light. That light was hope. Hope that I could have a better life. I woke up one morning and decided that my life wasn't a death sentence but a gift.  I believed in my soul I could be better. I might not be the same but what was wrong with that? I was basically broken in body, mind and spirit. Wasn't it time to change? I promised myself no matter how much time I had I would make the rest of my life - the best of my life. It wouldn't be perfect. It might be a mess at times but I will make my way. I was not only going to heal myself from the damage from condition, I was going to heal myself from my childhood and from obesity. That first year with nutrition and workouts I lost 102 lbs. The following 3 so far I have maintained 110 lb loss. I have set boundaries in all relationships that only allows good healthy, positive people around me and my family. I ended the toxic trends that have been in my family for generations. Now years later I help other people get healthy and change their lives the same way I did. No magic. Just nutrition, workouts and positivity. Tragic events can knock you down but it can only hold you there and define you IF you let it. I have decided I am not allowing it. I define me. So can you.

Maintaining a 110 LB Loss

Many have asked me how I maintain my 110 lb loss for over 3 years. I didn't have a deadline to stop.I created routine in my life. I eat clean, get cardio and resistance/ weights. You simply can not lose if you just do one. I turned my negative mind to a positive one. Also after years of looking for and trying to find I discovered there was no quick fix. I hold it all. I simply changed my life by waking up one morning and deciding to do it. Body, mind and spirit. Always.

Validation Not Required

The world is going to be full of people. People who love you, people who don't. How they feel about me is none of my business and truly I don't care. It took me 38 years to truly find and love myself. I don't have time to worry about who does or doesn't. I am too busy enjoying my life, my family and paying forward and helping others. Some will love you with all they have from the top of the mountain tops screaming it while others love quietly. Some will hate you quietly while others will be passive aggressive, with a big shit stirring spoon or very hateful. That is their issue. How they run their life and deal with their emotions are their deal. One of my coaches said I reminded her of this quote "the women who doesn't require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet" What an honor , huh? That is exactly how I feel - Love me or hate me I am who I am. Validation not required.

Polar Pout

First the oops and the Polar Pout. Then the good stuff. Went for a run with my M400. Looked down almost 13 minutes into check my heart rate and I didn't have one!!!! I forgot my chest HR strap at home. What??? #polarpout . Now, the good stuff. Unlike other heart rate monitors it still tracked mileage, steps, kept tracking activity for my day, lap times even paused my training so I could take a silly selfie! Lol. Many other heart rate monitors you would have ...NOTHING without the heart rate  strap. Another great thing some HR straps are such a pain and you would feel it if it was off. I didn't notice that it was off because I feel no difference when it is on!  So there is always a positive at least when you look for it :) now off to put my chest strap on and finish cardio with P90X3. Did you get your workout in today?



#polarambassador #teampolar #beachbody #m400

Freedom of Healthy

My Transformation Tuesday isn't about a before an after look or the 110 lbs gone. It is about a before and after feeling. Four years ago you would have not got me for 1. in a water-park 2. playing on the water slides or 3. posting this picture on all my social media which is well over 30,000 people. This before and after isn't about how losing weight will make you stronger and healthier. This is about how it can make you a happier person. A better parent. A parent who wants to create memories. Like Mom "Pull your feet in, tuck your head forward and pull your butt up"  Say what?? "Just do it!!" As she laughs hysterically going down the slide before you. Most teens run around a park with other teens. She does too but some days it us. My soon to be 14 year old loves to be with me. Not because there aren't other options but because we know we are lucky to have one another. I almost left this earth 7 years ago I am lucky to be here. I am reminded of this every morning when I wake up and am given the gift of another day with my family. I know some hear me say this but I really do. My eyes open and my heart says "thank you". Now I look for the positive, I steer clear of the negative, I find joy. Most importantly I make memories. Today as one of my friends loses her mother especially I am reminded of how precious the parent child relationship is. This post is in honor of her and her beloved Mom. So if you need a reason to get healthy and are looking for that push. Here it is. Don't think about the body it will give you. Think about the freedom you will receive from being healthy. From not caring about anything but having fun and making memories. 

More To It Than A Success Story

Running by myself can be dangerous. Not physically but emotionally. It always gets me thinking. Tonight in particular. For the past few months we have been running hills instead of the flat track like area. Since I was by myself I decided to go out to my track. See how the training had effected me, especially on Day 3 with my M400. I have been building back since Winter and after a setback in Nov medically. I was amazed at how just in a few months I had changed. Then thoughts came. If you run you know therapy happens on the road. I know lots of people see me as a weight loss success story. But do you know how many times I was knocked on my butt before I lost and maintained this for years? How many times I lost 40, 50, 80 lbs and gained it back within months? Do you know the emotional struggles with food from my childhood I had to overcome? How hard it is to take meds twice a day to make sure I never have a Gran Mal Seizure again? Do you know how hard PTSD is to deal with? How hard it is to even want to wake-up when you have this? The only thing that put a smile on my face was my "why", my children. Do you know how easy it would have been just walk away from it all and give up? I didn't though. Just as I was getting in my car this song came on and reminded me how lucky I am. So this is my challenge to you. Don't give up. Keep going. Nothing is impossible. You have a success story in you as well. I can't wait to see you pay it forward.

#dontgiveup #polar #polarambassador

Peace

This is the #1 thing that has brought peace to my life. Just because a person was brought to your life or you were biologically tied into theirs.. doesn't mean they can or have to stay. Toxic relationships are two sided until you choose not to engage any longer. You can though walk away. You are in charge of your peace. Shut the door. Delete the numbers. Ignore attempts of contacts. Try to forgive them though. It doesn't matter if they deserve it or have even asked for it. The forgiveness is for your heart. For your peace of mind. I have had to forgive a lot. I will not forget though. It is not in the front of my mind any longer though but tucked away until I see a picture like the one above. Which is a great reminder in how doing those simple things has made me a better, happier person.

Find new friends. Create your own family. Love them with all your heart. Then you will have peace.

Welcome To Anxiety

Welcome to anxiety. It doesn't have a rhyme or reason sometimes. It doesn't give you a warning. It can happen when you are with people you trust completely. She is a bitch. She sneaks into your life and it hurts. I have not been able to let go of this for over an hour. PTSD can go away but sadly never be cured.

My Gran Mal Seizure was 7 years ago. It actually took my 4 years to drive on the freeway after my seizure. My seizure didn't happen on the freeway but moments after getting out of the car with my children. For years I was frozen by the image of what if. Today some external triggers hit me even though I wasn't driving. Like I said, she is sneaky and doesn't make sense.

I share the good so here is the bad too. Life isn't always perfect or pretty. It helps to share though.

All is ok now. Just sharing so you know if you ever feel this way you are not alone.


* This is a post from my personal and facebook page Girls Gone Healthy from a few weeks ago. It actually helped so many people I wanted to put it in this blog.

Life Day #7

Today is the 7th anniversary of my Gran Mal Seizure. Instead of calling it the "anniversary" those close to me know I call it my "Life Day". It was the day everything ..began.. to change for me. I say began because at first I was scared, I was angry, I lived in fear. I wouldn't even call it living. I stopped living. Sometimes I actually think I feel like I stopped breathing. Like I was shoved underwater and I was waiting for somebody to save me. I was scared to be alive for simple fact I could die. I could have died walking, showering, swimming, breathing.  Seizures are scary and that is what it did, scared me to stop living. The only exception was when I would try to pull myself together in time to pick my kids up from school. Put on a happy face to act like a happy parent because I loved them so much. That was and still remains my main fear leaving them. My then 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter. I don't remember my seizure. I remember driving on the freeway with the kids and going to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen. Then it all went black for nearly 2 hours. My children though remember it all. That is a huge burden for a parent to put on their kids. I know I didn't do it on purpose. I am so thankful we were all safe but to not remember something is hard. To know your kids have those moments etched in their brains is horrible. To have them tell you about it.. I can't even describe it. So how did things ever turn around for me? I lived in a whirlwind of chaos in my mind, fear, sadness and anger over my diagnosis. My defining moment was one morning I woke up and realized I was not being punished. My life wasn't over, it wasn't a death death sentence but a SECOND chance. I wasn't taken from my family but given a second chance to get it all right. I now have learned to trust God. Even this morning 7 years later when my eyes opened my first thought is, Thank you. I say those 2 words every morning when I wake up before my feet hit the ground. My family laughs I am a morning person now. It is because I feel blessed. I start each day with a grateful heart. I choose to be excited, thankful and happy. I live each day with intention. It did take a long time to get there though. I do have moments when anxiety hits. They are further and farther between. I need to breathe. Get through the moment and release it. Not cling to it in fear. I define me - my diagnosis and my seizure meds do not. I live an active and healthy life. Which is intentional. When I decided my life was a gift I also decided not to waste it and live it to it's healthiest and fullest, I have maintained 110 lb weight loss now for 3 years. My goal is to be the best version of me that I can. To be an encourager for others as the world is full of critics. My life might not make sense to some but until you have almost lost your life it's sometimes hard to understand those who have almost lost theirs and came back. We try not to sweat the small stuff. We love a little stronger. Cherish good friends. Avoid those who are negative. We hug lots and say I love you more than most. That is though because we know tomorrow is not a guarantee. I always want everyone in my life to know truly and dearly I love them.  The #1 thing I have learned is giving up is always an option but it will never be MY choice.

Polar Ambassador

I'm so Excited!! I was just contacted by Polar USA. I have been selected by them to be one of their Polar Ambassadors. There are only 150 Ambassadors so far and it is a real honor! Polar has been part of my journey in losing over 100 lbs in a year. Also in maintaining 110 lb loss for three years. It has helped with my runs and all cardio workouts. It all started though with learning to run. My first Polar was an FT7. It helped me turn running intervals into running a 5k in a very short time. I thought running would be impossible for me but Polar made it possible. It taught me how to listen to my body just by looking at my wrist. When I thought I needed to push, I actually should slow and when I thought I should stop it was ok to keep going. I can't wait to try all they offer and share this amazing journey with all of you!! Stay tuned!!

#polarusa #polarambassador

Answer The Call

Your dreams are calling you .. are you brave enough to answer them?? For years I ignored the call. I thought who would listen to me. I'm just a Mom in my 30's (now 40) I lost over 100 lbs. I had some events in my life happen. Sad things, tragic things, beautiful things, life changing things... but what could I do with that? What was this calling I was feeling? My calling was to serve and help others. Silly, huh? That is what I felt. Until one day I decided to believe in myself. I decided to see that all I had been through was for a purpose. That purpose was to help others. My dreams called again and finally I answered. With one little post and a hope for one "like" I grew my Facebook page Girls Gone Healthy into something special almost 30,000 likes. I get messages from woman daily that I help them. That they learn from my life stories. They relate to me. That I inspire them. That since they have seen me lose weight and maintain they feel they can. Since I have beat PTSD or left a negative family behind they feel they can too. Since I have found the light at the end of darkness they are seeing it too. That is such an amazing feeling! That page grew into this blog. The blog grew into me becoming a being a Beachbody Coach. I have helped hundreds of women one on one and in Challenge Groups lose weight and find themselves - find their happiness. That has extended into helping other woman becoming successful Beachbody Coaches as well. I'm not telling you this to tell you what I have done. I am showing you what can happen when YOU answer the call. You follow your dreams. Whatever that may be for you. If this stay at home mom of 13 years can do this - SO CAN YOU!! We all have a story- we all have a voice. You just have to be brave enough to answer the call.

Be Kind

This quote  should be used as a guide to live our lives by. Are we perfect? Will we always remember? No. Should we try our best. Yes. I have been through some pretty heavy stuff in my life, as many have. People have been through more, people have been through less. Some things are like icebergs though and you are only seeing the very top and have no idea what is under the water.

You know what though? There is no scale in life to rate our pain. To say who earns more "stripes". What is significant in one persons life to them may not seem so great in another. That doesn't mean anybody should make someone feel like less or that their problems are insignificant. So many live as if they are on a ladder. They act is if they are either above you feeling like you should look up to them. Like your problems are not big enough and you are not worthy to be worried about. Or perhaps the opposite you are above them. Like you are unreachable. It's odd because the climbing on this ladder moves often since that is the natural progression of life. How much better would life be if the ladder was gone and we just all were on the same level? Living life eye to eye and heart to heart? Honestly, we all are. We came into this world with nothing and we will leave it the same way. What should we try to do? How do we start? Start with kindness. Try to understand. If you make a mistake ask for forgiveness and be kind to yourself in forgiveness in turn. We aren't perfect but with time it gets easier!! If you keep this in mind though life and those silly mistakes and that dang ladder will go away...

Be Kind - You never know what people are truly going through.

That is the way to live.

One Decision Can Change Everything

Sitting here in my car after a run with my buddy and my glasses are too foggy to drive. I am soaked from running in the rain and humidity. We had to deal with bugs and jump over little snakes. Thankfully they were dead and little and not like the big ones in my nightmare the other night!! I'm not even done yet, PiYO is next!You know what though? We did it. NO EXCUSES. 110 lbs ago what would I have done? I would have had my husband drop the kids off at school and I would have gone back to sleep for the day. Woke up with enough time to pull myself together, eat some horrible food and soda and slap on a fake smile.... Now I love life. I bounce out of bed and embrace each day. Why? Because one day I woke up and realized I was wasting my life being mad about a health condition. Instead of embracing the life I had. If you can relate to the old me - realize you don't have to be stuck there. You can change too. You just have to be brave enough to stop what you are doing and make a decision to change daily. Not every day will be perfect but you always have to try. If you need help reach out I have a heart that understands you.

My Focus

Life is about what you focus on. What are you focusing on? Do you focus on disappointment, pain, those who have failed you in life? Or do you you focus on all the good in your life? I am human ( and a Leo (ROAR) - LOL! ) , sometimes I will get caught up in those I feel who have failed me, who try to bring pain to my life, those who try to bring pain to those I love. It hurts my heart to know that I put more into relationships than others do. It is all part of being a sensitive person. I use to be a little tougher before I learned the hard way how truly fragile life was. How the last interaction you have have with someone may just be ... IT. I always keep that in mind. I always try to send my love, be careful with my words and never leave anything open ended. When it comes to people who just want to bring negativity to my life or those I love - I try to remember some are just doing so because they see me changing, evolving and moving on without them. They see me becoming better without their influence in my life. The negativity they try to bring is just them trying to have a piece of it or trying to pull me back. Trying to remain relevant when all they are is left behind, a memory or a lesson. They lack one thing I have decided to have in my life. The will power to ignore them. What has brought me to this? My weekend.  I have had the most amazing long weekend. Friday through Sunday was filled with family and love.  My daughter's Dance Recital was this weekend. For most a Recital is just typical, a rite of passage that happens every year. This year has been a year that according to a Orthopedic Surgeon and MRI's was most likely not going to happen. After 10 years of dancing they told her it was likely she may never dance again. She had to take a year off to heal. A year of Physical Therapy, crutches, elevator passes, braces, tears, prayers. She did overcome though. At 13 she danced her 10th year. She competed again. She won her top trophies and accolades ever. This is all because she didn't give up. She believed. She had focus. Also this weekend my husband danced with her in the Father Daughter Dance on stage at Recital. Ballet, Ballroom, Disco.. yes I have video!! Such love my Husband has for her.. for both our children and for me. My son who has a busy schedule gave up his time to be at her Recital to cheer her on. Even though most 19 year olds would rather be somewhere else. He even had one of his best friends in town he didn't even try to get out of it. He was just there for her and that is LOVE.  On Sunday my son sang his first solo at a main service flawlessly at our Church while playing guitar with the choir. I have to tell you as a parent there is no greater joy than watching your children both follow their passion. I am also blessed myself to follow my passion and help others to find health. My groups not only help one another to lose weight and be healthy but they really support one another in life. We are a tribe. It is such a joy for me to find my passion and to be able to help others. What you focus on life is what expands. It is why my life has changed so much over the past few years. When I woke up that morning and realized my life was a gift I was wasting and I needed to stop wasting it- my focus shifted. My life changed. Sometimes the static of negativity will try to get in the way I just need to take moment. Remember I am not going to waste my life. I promised to make the best of it every single day and that I will. How?  I will always choose to focus on LOVE, JOY, PASSION, MY FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP. You can tell from all I share I am not perfect but I choose to see good. I choose to set boundaries. I choose to walk away. Even though I live very openly I do live somewhat in a bubble of happiness. I choose to see the blessings. I will always let my let shine. That is a light that no doom gloom can put out. It will just shine. 

Important Info

With only having 1 Gran Mal Seizure I have a Seizure Disorder. I have been diagnosed with irregular brainwaves and am on meds twice daily for life. By the grace of God and the help of my Neurologist hopefully I will never have a second and be considered Epileptic. With that said... 1, is enough . Meds twice daily is scary enough. Living with the fear of it is enough. People with Seizure Disorders and Epilepsy are not broken. It is a highly misunderstood thing. Did you know 1 in 26 people will develop Epilepsy in their lives? Also that 1 in 10 people will have a Seizure in their life? What can you do if a Seizure happens? Stay with the person. Time the Seizure. Protect from injury. Loosen anything around their neck. Do not restrain the person. Do not put anything in their mouth. Roll the person on their side. Call for help if needed. Talk to the person calmly after it is over. Even though I don't remember anything and was unconscious for an hour and half, I know there were people who did this for me and my children who were present and I am thankful.

Feel free to share this, if it helps even one I will be grateful.

Find Your Passion

Have you found your passion in life? For some they have it from the second they are born. For others it takes years to find. For me it took forever. I always knew I wanted to help people. I wanted to get into the field of Nursing or Social Work.  I ended up though having a child at 20 and that took over my life. Being a Mom came first. Raising a family was my first. I did it with all my heart, I still do . When my oldest went to College I had a little time to rediscover someone - me. By then I was already a few years into being seizure free. I had lost over 100 lbs. I had already had a successful page on Facebook to pay forward that weight loss but in my heart I needed more. I had some time to figure out what I wanted to with a nest that was a little emptier. Having time on my hands and a passion in my heart to help was overwhelming. This is when I found my passion - my calling. Being a Beachbody Coach. For 20 months now I have ran groups to help other women find the healthiest and happiest version of themselves. I wake up with a purpose and I fall asleep with a smile. Am I changing the world? No. Am I am I helping change someone to find her confidence, find her happiness and to feel supported and successful? Yes. I am. I am not a millionaire. I'm not changing the face of the world but I do make a difference. My advice to everyone - find what you love to do. Find your passion. Work it with all your heart. You have the power to make a difference.

Forget The Joneses

Since I started running 3 years ago I have never stopped but I have gone through cycles. I have done more, I have done less. It has to do with seasons, summer vacation and last Fall my health. Last Fall I had a med adjustment and had to take a little time off. Right after I focused more on indoor workouts completely instead of a balance of the two which is what I prefer since I love both so much. Now for the last few weeks my buddy and I have been working hard at getting our pace back. Sometimes though I think... Remember when I could just run and run! Or look at that man he is a machine! We are faster than some. Slower than others but you know what? This is not a race! I have nobody to be better than then me yesterday. With that in mind at the end of every run we are excited about how much better we are daily. How our breathing has improved, our distance and pace is better. We feel great for the day ahead and look forward to the next run. Comparison is the thief of joy. So stop! Enjoy your challenge. Run your race and don't worry about anybody else.

Monday Morning

What happened this morning? Well it all happened running with my buddy. I kind of think I should just type it because if I open my mouth again something odd might happen LOL!! I have lived in TX almost 9 years and rarely had an accent. I lost my vowel and said "towel" in a VERY southern way. We had a good laugh about it because it was kinda funny coming from me. I feel ya'll coming. The words may happen - but I will always be a West Coast girl ;) Then one of things happens that runners hate... I ATE a bug. I saw it then it was down the hatch.. UGHH.. Have to love my friend to say "Well, you just had a little extra protein today:"  Even though it's Monday and strange things may happen realize you can find the good in it ... like extra protein, a reason to laugh or the blessing of a great friend.

Cyber Bullies

Raw, real and honest post.

For over a year I have been dealing with a cyber-stalker. They follow me on Girls Gone Healthy. Befriend, act like they need help just because they know I have a kind and compassionate heart willing to help anyone in need. They will then follow me on my personal page. Unfriend me then refriend to let me know they have "47 accounts following me and have no intention of leaving me alone". Since then they haven't. I have been harassed by fake military personal, fake women, men, and then the not so fake person. They have mocked my life, my truth, laughed at my seizure, the fact that I have had mini stroke prior to my seizure. I have never contacted them in return. This person is truly sick and demented. They always use different emails but the same names and always use pieces of my life and childhood.  The person who IS doing this all IS my parent. Yep. Abusing me as a kid wasn't enough. Lets go a second 3rd, 15th, 20th round as an adult years after I cut you out of my life and moved half a country away from them. I have been told I live too openly. I should shut down everything FB and stop being a coach. Well let me tell you that is NOT going to happen. This "woman" controlled my life as a kid. She will not control me now. My passion is helping other people. I have come so far in my life. I have lost a ton of weight, found my happiness, overcome the odds. I wake-up EVERY morning excited to help others do the same. I have helped hundreds of woman and I plan on helping hundreds more. A person and their sick fascination with me, my success and life will not stop me. It will just drive me. So my parent can keep sending me her psycho messages and my friends and I will laugh at them. I will put them in the psycho file and we will just move on like it didn't happen.

Now the part that upset me is what about all the children and teens on social media who don't have the age and maturity to deal with it in this way? WHO is going to protect them? No wonder there are children hurting, harming even killing themselves over cyber-bullying. If there are states that at this time can't and won't protect them - who will?

Maybe it's time for me to look into this and as suggested help start a Law to help the innocent.

Empowerment of Truth

If we don't show up in our truth. Our true life will never be a part of us. Ever. I'm not afraid of my truth. I'm not ashamed of my truth. I am empowered by my truth. My truth has made me strong. My truth has made me whole again. I will sing it from the mountain tops. The only people afraid of it are the people living a lie. People ask how I can be so open. Because it is freeing. Also because if I tell my story and it helps just one person improve their life that is enough for me.

Evening Thoughts

My thoughts tonight as I go to sleep is I am so grateful that after all I have been through in my life. All the issues I should have from being raised by a hurtful and sick person is that I still have a heart full of love. A heart willing to help instead of hurt. To cheer on others to victory instead of laugh at their defeats. To see the good in others instead of the bad. To be able to love somebody expecting nothing in return but the same love, never with an agenda.  Also, to be able to trust without borders.  I won't let one evil person change me. I will though let one loving person lead me and keep me on the path to all that is wonderful in my life. Because it is a wonderful life and I am so blessed.

Don't Give Up

My #TBT . Have you checked on the "on this day" option Facebook gives us now? This post was from 5 years ago today. I was putting on a positive front but I was unhappy in my health. I had pretty much given up and surrendered to the fact that my family, friends and life was going to have to be good enough. I really didn't feel I was worth putting any effort into because I had tried so many times and failed. My family,  friends and life IS enough but I deserve more. We all deserve more. We should never settle simply because we are stuck. When we are stuck we need to learn from what isn't working and find what will work. What wasn't working was my nutrition and the hours daily at the gym. I first started with my nutrition. What started as giving up Diet Soda because I read an article that it could increase my odds of seizures turned into clean eating. Next I jumped off that elliptical, cancelled my gym membership and hit the streets. Walking turned to running. I then added Beachbody. I have done every workout I can think of from them. I now am a Coach and have helped hundreds of women lose thousands of pounds. Why? Simply because it is my passion. I want others to know they can do this. They don't have to be alone and they NEED to know they are WORTH it.What started as me getting healthy has become some much more. It really is amazing when you can see life go full circle right before your eyes.

So bottom line - if you feel like you have to settle. DON'T DO IT!! I promise sometimes the biggest changes come at the other side of despair. That wall will go away - you have to climb over it though!!

All Storms End

For me running leads to reflections. I just had a major aha moment reflection from the Easter Holiday Weekend. My reflection is it was amazing. It was calm, peaceful, loving, fun. Perfection. Why is this an Aha moment? All my Holidays are wonderful but what they usually have is pieces of painful family memories. Pieces of reflecting in how one person and her illness and need to control everything and everyone in our family has actually torn 3/4 of it apart. In the past I would dwell on making  phone calls as a requirement of being a good family member while knowing it would just bring negativity to my day. I would reflect back to the moments of good in our family and the happy moments we would have. I would also think of the horrible times and the manipulation, lies and pain we went through to be able to have a nice day. I would think of the dreaded family picture around a Holiday table. The family members, the drama, the pain, the good the bad -  didn't cross my mind once. This Easter absolutely NONE of this crossed my mind until days later on my run.

What was on my mind??

How amazingly happy I am. How happy I am to have such an amazing husband for 20 years. We just celebrated our anniversary and for two kids getting married under 20 we are so lucky. Not only do we love one another but we are best friends. We have two amazing kids. As I was sitting at church on Easter with my family I wasn't thinking of missing people but looking forward to the future ( way, way in the future ) to when we have a row filled with their families. A family that started because two people feel in love at first sight. A family that is strong and healthy because we ended the trends of emotional, physical, alcohol and drug abuse with our generation.  As a family we are healthy from the inside out and truly love and respect one another with no agendas, lies, false pretenses or manipulation. Another thing on my mind is the family that is still standing. The family that is not didn't cross my mind. At this point my children know no better and don't care to be a part or around them either.  Setting boundaries and leaving them behind truly changed my life to the point it cleared my mind and my heart. The storms are gone. Just peace. We shopped for Easter dresses, made silly Easter Peeps Poop Cupcake, made a delicious dinner. Spoke to my family and my friends who are the family of my heart.  At dinner it was relaxing and fun. And no, I would never take a picture. Some pictures are just better as an amazing memory.  Just like this weekend.

Just remember no matter how big the storm you are going through it will eventually come to an end. If the storms tries to huff and puff again - just turn your back. It has no power. You do.

Coconut-Cinnamon Sweet Potato Fries

                                                             

Coconut-Cinnamon Sweet Potato Fries
serves 4
Ingredients

• 4 medium sweet potatoes
• 2 Tbsp. coconut oil, melted
• 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp. salt

Directions
Preheat oven to 400° 
Slice the sweet potatoes lengthwise.
Next cut into strips about 1/4" thick. 
In a large bowl, toss sweet potato slices with coconut oil, cinnamon and salt, making sure all pieces are covered.
Spread out on baking sheet. Bake for 40-45 minutes flipping at 20 minutes.

 These are totally SIMPLE!! Also 19 year old son approved! Double win!

Simple Moments

Life Lesson - Don't wait. If you want to do something - just do it.

We always wanted to bring our Irish Setter for a ride in my convertible. We always put it off. Weather, his illness, we were busy. I could have on his last days but the thought of it was way too emotional for me. So today, 10 days after he has left us from cancer, I surprised my daughter by picking her up for the first time with Paris in the car. (Don't worry when we drove the windows were up and the dog is secured by a leash.) Olivia was so happy. So was her dog. We spent the ride home laughing and making memories. Olivia made a puppy selfie camera and video.

Don't wait. Make memories.