I faced a decision the other day -- one that honestly shouldn't have taken much time or thought. It was simply about passing information along because it mattered to two people. It was the loving and right thing to do. However, it involved navigating an unknown territory for someone in the family with whom I have never encountered issues, but who is in a strange place. I have found myself in the middle, and having been that person before, I understand how uncomfortable that position can be.

I empathize with those who have a strong loyalty and I understand that enmeshment can be paralyzing. There's so much truth that remains unspoken, and many things you want to address but refrain from out of fear of losing everything you know. I empathize with those who find themselves in this situation. Still, I do know deep down eventually they will see all the facts and truths. They will be brave enough to step forward and embrace all that life and truth have to offer, and they deserve.  

Setting boundaries often involves stepping away from people who make you question everything and can turn something as simple as sharing information into a complex ordeal. Establishing boundaries takes away their power. I did the right thing and shared the information with love because I understood its importance. 

Don't let anyone drain your energy. Rise above it all - above them. Life is bigger and better. Strive to be the better person. 

Generational Trauma and Healing on Mother's Day

 A week ago, after about 20 years, I received multiple calls from my "mother" - the woman who gave birth to me. There were so many calls that I could hardly keep up, all within 18 hours. However, she didn't call to apologize, express regret, or seek forgiveness for the harm and abuse she caused me. She didn't attempt to make amends for the pain she brought my family, which was my breaking point. She also did not try to make amends for the cryptic and hurtful messages via email and social media in the years following. 

After the first call, I set a clear text establishing a boundary: this communication would not be continued. She ignored my boundary, even though I knew she saw my message, and the calls and love bombing persisted. Then, things became frantic. She ended up in a hospital near me, abandoned by everyone, and wanted to move in with ME! I sent her a second text, reminding her of my boundary and stating that her actions constituted harassment. 

The sixth message came through as she called again. At this point, I texted a sibling- the one who is always there for but it seems like he wasn't now. Who knows what tails she was spinning in her chaos. This was the same sibling I told years ago to protect his wife and future family because she would cause chaos. Also, the sibling who was upset with me because I wouldn't attend/ be in his wedding, because our mother would be there and I needed to protect my family. Seems like perhaps he may understand now? I urged him to take care of his mother. They were close, so I believe it is handled.  Now, we can hope she is no longer just two hours away from us. We have consciously chosen to live 2,000 miles away from everyone. 

I don't want to allow this Mother's Day to be overshadowed by negativity. I want to emphasize that even when people abuse you, make you feel unworthy, and gradually destroy your sense of self from a young age, it is possible to rise above it. When raised on lies, the truth will eventually come to light, for three will always emerge : the sun, the truth and karma. 

It took me a long time to confront everything I endured as a child, including the struggle to be the "perfect" one who cared for everyone to prove my love. I aimed to provide my family with the "family" I see and feel everyone deserves. The family you see splashed everywhere especially on holidays like today. Through my healing journey, I discovered that what we needed was for me to step out of the toxicity fully and end the cycle allowing OUR new line to begin. I realized that family that I thought they deserved was only holding us under and making our family line sick with their continued lies, acceptances of abuses and toxicity. You have to fully let go to end the trend. I realized that the choices made by my parents and family do not define me. My healing truly began when I understood their choices ( and lack of ownership of them ) , opinions and reactions reflected who they were, not my values or worth. I think forgiveness is important but forgiveness does not mean allowing people back. I do not have hate in my heart for her. I forgive her for the unforgiveable. I hope she finds peace. 

My Mother's Day gift, now and every day, is our children. We have created a beautiful family that embodies the values of truth, honesty, empathy, compassion, love and open communication. We genuinely value and enjoy each other, not just love one another. My children are my legacy and greatest gift to this world, and it is my honor to be their mother.