"Just Yoga"

I may have been through the longest week I have had in a long time. Lots of fun.. But lots to do and on the go non-stop. It's also the week I added yoga to my life. It's "just" yoga after all, right? Boy, did I learn my lesson. There is no "just" in yoga. How can 30 minutes on a yoga mat, with my body weight, stretching and breathing really work so great!!?? It's not just body it is mind and letting go. It's active but not aggressive. It is perfect alone or pairs great with other workouts. When I'm done I feel amazing and the next morning I feel changes in my body. Plus the peace it brings you. I'm totally in love with this. They said it is yoga simplified but to me it is yoga perfection.

Isn't this the truth? Take a look at what someone posts about, at what someone talks about, you will see what they are truly all about. You are like the 5-10 people you are around most. Do they inspire you or drain you? Do they push you to be more or hold you right where you are? Growth, positivity and inspiration are so important. Your friends will want the best for you and that starts with example they lead in their lives. Surround yourself with exceptional doers and thinkers. Except nothing else.

Offer To Help - The Rest is Up To Them

In my business you will help many people. It is a wonderful thing when you do. It is the most rewarding thing to see someone change. To see the changes you made in yourself come true in someone else. I feel honestly it is even better than doing it myself. I am proud of each and every one of my girls. There are some girls though that just aren't ready. You can cheer them on. Give them all the tools in the world. Leave them alone when they need to find their ways then one day offer a hand. Not a hand to do it "your way" but a hand to let them know they are not alone. That is the great thing with Beachbody there are so many ways of doing it. You can do it alone, you can do it in a group, you can add running to it like me - you can make it what YOU want. The thing is though you have to want it. YOU have to want it for YOU more than I want it for you. This is the sad part. Sometimes I put way more into it then I should but I want success for everyone. I want everyone to see the hope at the end of the tunnel. I have had Challengers that have been with me for years simply because I respect their rights to when it is their time. There will always be the few though that are not ready. That like me once had some things going on internally and just are not ready. I get that. I was that girl once. That probably helps me best with this - "Not everyone is going to want, accept. or know how to receive your energy. Make peace with that and keep on." Which I have. One bad experience will not stop me since I have had countless of amazing stories of women who have achieved success. When you find your someone who is looking for an argument. Who just pushes buttons for months. Know it is not you. Stay positive. Focus on the people that need you. That are willing to move forward in their journeys. That are willing to take your help. Because in this business some will, some won't. That is up to them though and has nothing to do with you. Trust me. I have maintained 110lbs for 4 years but I lost and gained for many years and that was on me. Nobody else.

Listen To Your Body

Sometimes I need a reminder to listen to my body. Or in my case my brain. My running buddy was unavailable today so I got a late start. In Texas that is not necessarily a good thing as it heats up by the minute. Right at the end of my run before I started up the last big hill I started to feel.. Wonky. At that moment I remembered the Road ID around my ankle. A reminder that I am seizure patient for the last 8 years. It has my meds and 2 contacts on it. Sometimes I forget even though I am OK most days I need to remember to listen to signs. So I sat on rock and chilled for 10 minutes. I also reflected on how my diagnosis will not and has not defined me as I let it in the beginning. Just because my brain is "broken" or I am on meds that can stop weight loss. I have not allowed it. We define ourselves. Don't let a diagnosis, a pill or your body define you. You do it!! After that diagnosis I cried and was miserable but I got up after and lost 110 lbs, became a runner, love working out and now help other women do the same. All because the last line on that I put on my Road ID under my meds and emergency contacts - "my life is a gift" 

And so is yours.

This Is Life

This is life... It happens. Some people that love you and have apologized to you for things in the past will fall back in to patterns that hurt you. Life changing things will happen. Devastating things will happen. On the flip side it will all make sense someday. You will realize that what you are going through will most likely be a blip on the radar of life 1 year or 5 years from now. You will learn that even though some may disappoint you, you can still find the beauty in today. You will learn that even though some disappoint you, some never will. You will also learn you are strong.. That every trial makes you even stronger and better. No matter what you are worth it. If someone can't see that they weren't worth the space in your life. There are plenty that will see that value and gladly take their place once you release the negative they will appear. Life is too short for worry, regret and anything forced or false. Fill your life with positive people and happiness and more will come your way.

I Define Me

Sometimes you are just remembered for things that aren't so wonderful - today is one. Before my gran mal I volunteered every Wednesday at the soup kitchen in town. That is until I had my gran mal there 8 years ago. After I physically could not make myself return. For fear of it happening again. For of the unknown as I was unconscious for 2 hours. For embarrassment. For shame. I could not go back. The building would make me physically sick. I would have an anxiety attack. My husband even tried to help me through it since he knew how much I enjoyed volunteering. No matter how much I wanted to return. I could not. Today I helped at same type community center but not the place it happened. I ran into a man I use to work with every Wednesday years ago and told him so. He scratched his beard and couldn't place me. I said I use to have red hair...nope.. I use to weigh 100 lbs more... Hmm.. Last time you saw me I had a seizure and left unconscious in an ambulance - ding ding! Lol. There you go. He remembered. That might be what I'm connected with but it doesn't bring me fear or shame any longer. It is a chapter in my life that made me stronger. I no longer give it the power to define me - I define me. Not a moment.

Life Day # 8

Today is my Life Day. 8 years at 11am I was unconscious in an ambulance being taken to a hospital. Waking up nearly 2 hours later to my husband at the foot of my bed with his head in his hands. Not knowing where I was or why. We didn't even have those answers for about a week after. The answers were not good. Not the worst news one could hear but it was something I would have to be reminded of twice daily for the rest of my life. I had a long time of living in darkness before I finally realized I was given the gift of life not a death sentence. So what has 8 years given me? A new life - period. I am not the same. What does not kill us makes us stronger and my disease even though not wanted has made me stronger. I have watched my children grow. Grow into amazing human beings. Full of grace, love, compassion, humor and joy. I can't even fathom leaving the earth that day and not watching them grow. I've had 8 more years with my husband. I have learned that not everybody deserves to be in my life. That I can love them with boundaries or let people go completely. Life is too short for drama, for lies, for anything toxic. I have learned that family can be who you pick. I have learned that people will judge me for having a seizure. I use to be scared to talk about it for "the look". Guess what, I can take medicine to fix my brainwaves. What can these people take to fix their judgement of me? My disease has made me brave enough to share to help others like me who feel alone. To try to normalize a disease that touches 1 in 26. I have had some moments over the last 8 years that did scare me. Now with skills I have learned and faith to calm me I can get through it better. Now instead of fear of dying. I have a fear of not living. Go play with your kids, hike, travel, laugh, hug, drive, run, forgive, be happy, find your calling, whatever. Do it all - Live it all. Life is a gift. Treat it as one. You don't have to almost lose your life to learn this like I did. You can just learn from me and others like me.

Bye Bye Sideline Mom

Today my daughter and I had a fun day climbing the rocks and exploring at a State Park not far from our home. When I say "explore" I mean climbing rocks, wading through water, go further than any other families there. We covered the area for hours!! It was so much fun. No distractions, no phones. Just nature and the two of us. We talked, laid in the sun, sweat like crazy. No time worries, no physical restrictions. Just fun. This would never have happened a few years ago. 110 lbs ago there is physically no way. I am coming up on the 8 anniversary of my "life day" For people who almost lose their lives that day becomes almost as important if not more important than our Birthday. That day at first killed me. Then it changed my life. It brought me to rock bottom. It made me realize though my life was a gift. A gift worth fighting for. To become healthy. Before my seizure I was a sideline Mom. They would play I would watch. They would want to do something I would come up with an excuse not to. Now I want to do it. I want to explore it all. I want to be active physically in their lives. Have fun. Be present. That seizure was the most awful day of my life. It also gave me an entirely new life once I allowed it. One I wouldn't trade for anything, If I have one day or fifty years this is the Mom I want my kids to remember the Mom of the last few years. The lets play in the water Mom, the hiking Mom, the drive across country Mom, the lets drive with the top down Mom, the lets have an adventure Mom. That Mom on the couch - sideline Mom -has been gone for years and is not missed at all.

Reflecting Back 7 Years

I had a sweet friend send me a screenshot of a conversation we had 7 years ago tonight. At first I laughed. Then I really reflected on it. This was me deep in sadness after my diagnosis. I was gaining and saw no end in sight. I saw no happiness but my children. I was a mess. I saw diet as a 4 letter word. I saw exercise as something I wanted nothing to do with. Supporting my friend. Wow, I couldn't even do that. I deflected my own thoughts on her victory. To that friend I am so very sorry. I should have cheered you on instead I said something about your knees. That must have been an excuse of mine at the time not to workout. I was 110 lbs heavier then. I had an excuse for everything. It was mostly I think to protect myself. I was so scared then I didn't even know if I was going to live so why try? I did have that one morning though where I woke up and decided my life was a gift and not a death sentence. Where I decided I was going to succeed at losing weight, being happy and being healthy. That it didn't matter if I had one day or 50 years I was going to live every single day to the fullest. It took a little trial and error. I did continue to get back up though. The other thing I reflect on now is that old me could NEVER have imagined that this new me would run a 5k 4-5x a week for the last 4 years, lift weights, eat clean and help other get healthy. The old me had that in her. She just didn't believe in herself. So if you are where I was KNOW it is possible. Believe in yourself because I believe in you.

Change Is Good

Change is good! Before I became healthy my big activity was watching shows and drinking my diet soda. I loved to sleep in and nap. I was pretty dang negative. I did love my family though and that is one thing that has never changed. After I had my brush with death they were what helped me live. Even though I did live in a dark place for quite a while after my diagnosis they are what kept me going. Until one day I woke and wanted more. I realized I wasn't given a death sentence but I was given another chance to live. So I have! I lost 110 lbs. I have kept it off nearly 4 years. I wake before the sun. My activities are running, cardio, weights. Anything active. That diet soda is history. Anything I consume is healthy and clean. I am a positive, happy person, filled with love, faith and hope. Am I perfect. No. But I am happy. Change is good. It is possible for everyone.

Giving Up Too Soon

Today I was talking to a friend about some people in my past. How I feel they were so close to greatness and they just gave it up. Sometimes people get wrapped up in all the things that happen on the left that they never really give themselves a true chance. I know for years I was that way until I found ... consistency. If you want to not give up on yourself you need to remind yourself of your direction. Even if your life spins out of control you need to be able to stop it and focus on your goals. Sometimes when everything is so out of control for me that is the glue that holds me together. Routine, consistency and belief that I can do anything I set my mind to. Plus rock bottom is where I built my foundation and my routine brick by brick. Is it perfect yet? Nope but it's getting there! You need to have such a vision of your health, fitness, business or life that nothing can shake you. Consistency is key in everything. Motivation is wrapped completely around it. If you are lacking it seriously sit down think about where you want to be. What is your vision. Write it down. Next time you are losing your focus pull it out and remind yourself. Put it on your bathroom mirror, wallet, even on your refrigerator! Just always keep it close and remind yourself. Also find a friend who believes in you. Sometimes when you don't have that vision any longer they see how truly amazing you are and can remind you. Just never, ever give up.
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"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." Thomas Edison

Suck It Up Buttercup

I use to turn to food in frustration. Now I turn to workouts. Runs, weights, anything for a good sweat. Today I ran in 90 degree Texas heat and feel amazing. When you are frustrated "suck it up buttercup" I don't mean hide those feelings. I mean find a healthy outlet and deal with them. After all there isn't much we CAN control but how we react to things. Someone bugging you? Ignore, set boundaries, block them. Someone trying to control your life? Take back the control. Someone trying to steal your joy? That only happen IF you allow it.... Don't.... You only have one life and YOU are the driver. Who is in control? You are.

My World

We all have a story. The main part of that story is our "why". These two amazing people I have been blessed with the honor of being their mother is my "why". It all began with Avery when we were even younger than he is now. Getting married and starting a family. From that moment everything we have done has been for these two. We are far from perfect but we always tried our best. We wake up with them on our hearts and minds and go to sleep the same way. They are our everything. Without these two I don't think I would have found the fight in me after my seizure to find the light and become healthy physically or mentally. I had to though, I had to care and protect them. Without them even knowing they helped save my life in the darkest time. Because of this circle of love I am now healthy and happy. I get to pay forward all of it by helping others find the same thing. Life is an amazing circle. For me it always leads to these two. My world, my loves and the reason for everything.

International Epilepsy Day 2016

Today is International Epilepsy Day a day to raise awareness on something very close to my heart..and brain. 7 1/2 years ago I had a normal day. Driving around with my kids then volunteering at a Soup Kitchen. From that moment almost the next 2 hours of my life were gone. I remember waking up for a split second in a ambulance then nothing again. Later I heard noises and woke up in a bright ER room to my husband with his head in his hands at the end of my bed. They diagnosed me as dehydrated. I went home that day and later that night found my tongue was nearly bit in half. We called the Neurologist. After extensive testing it is found I have irregular brainwaves. This is something I take seizure meds for twice daily for the rest of my life not to have another. IF I have another I will be declared an epileptic. I have been assured without the meds it would happen within days if not sooner. My life has never been the same from the moment this has happened. At first I lived in fear so dark and scary. A place a wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Then one day I literally woke up and realized this wasn't a death sentence BUT a second chance to LIVE. I changed my thinking and changed my life. Body, mind and spirit. I lost 110 lbs. I have kept it off 4 years. I help others to do the same. Life is what you make it. You can find the bad and stay in the bad or you can take the bad and make it something beautiful. I still I have fear, I still have anxiety but it is manageable with hope and faith.
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Now what can you do? If you see someone having a seizure don't be scared. Use your "BRAIN"
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B- Be Calm
R-Remove dangerous objects
A- Always time the seizure
I- If the person has fallen turn on their side & don't hold down
N - Never put anything in their mouth

‪#‎purpleday2016‬

Toxic People

I talk often about toxic people and boundaries. How getting these people out of my life changed my life. People will message me and ask, how do I know who is toxic? Usually you know. It is an instinct. You feel better without them then with them. You don't dread communication. Here is a little list though to help. If you have to have them in your life set healthy boundaries. If they are not necessary to you or your life end the relationship completely. I promise even if you end a relationship a new healthy one is waiting for you. Seriously look at that list... What are you missing out on? You just have everything to gain.

Life at Peace Not in Pieces

Posting about living a peaceful and positive life is something I don't just talk about it is something that I physically do. Years ago I use to let in everyone. Their issues, their drama, their chaos and it hurt me physically and emotionally. When you are in a place where everyone around you is negative, hurtful, enabling, hateful, in denial, in a place of blame - you can't possibly live a good and healthy life. I stayed in that place way too long because I was a people pleaser when all along what it was doing was slowly killing me. When you are raised with abusive relationships. When you are around people with addictions - you lose you trying to help everyone because that is what you have been taught to do as to not rock the boat. It even goes outside the little scope of people to- everyone. I naturally want to help. I naturally want to help people heal. It is a part of who I am and what I do. That is when they are ready. I know when I decided to get healthy it was at my rock bottom. It took me a long time to get to that moment. Getting there is something I can't want or wish for you - it has to come from within - you. In that moment for me I knew it wasn't just ok, it's time to lose weight. I knew it was time to get healthy. Body, Mind and Spirit. For me mind was a big one. I was told stress had to go by my Neurologist after my gran mal. That meant cutting friends and family out of my life I never before would have imagined my life without. It simply had to be done. Their level of toxicity was never going to change. For others boundaries had to be set. Very clear boundaries. I am not the same girl who you can look at with a smile, run over and then do it again. Detachment is a great thing. When I know the situation is too much. That it is not authentic, stressful or not coming from a good place- I can step away physically or emotionally. This doesn't mean I don't love and care for the person. It just means until the person takes ownership and heals I am backing away from their chaos and letting them deal with it. When you stop worrying so much about what others think and start focusing on yourself you will live a much more peaceful life. Then just let life happen as it should. Even though I have closed doors to people, put some serious boundaries up. I can guarantee you those relationships that are gone have been replaced with beautiful healthy ones. Also, the relationship with those boundaries do now respect those boundaries even though some fought them in the beginning. In the long run it is all worth it for peace.

Bon Voyage!

I should be on a cruise ship right now, I am not joking! I honestly should. I earned a trip as a coach to go Jamaica. It left yesterday morning. I decided not to go. Why would I do that? Well there are several factors. Friday night was probably one of the biggest nights in my daughter's dance HS life. She was going to find out if she as a Freshman was going to find out if she was going to make the JV, Varsity or be cut from the dance team. Being cut was a possibility. She had an injury and you never know what was going to happen during auditions. As soon as Auditions were over Spring Break began and we had to wait for the number to pop up on the computer. Well, she made the top team we found out at midnight. As a parent that is something I didn't want to get the news by phone as we were traveling to catch a ship. I want to be here to hug her, to kiss her to celebrate with her! If it had gone the other way I wanted to be here for her to do the same. That is what parents do - they do in my world. We are here for it all after all we only have the gift of them for so long! Second my 21st wedding anniversary is this week. My husband for some reasons hates cruise ships. He said have fun. Take a friend. How could I possibly do that? He had been my love, my best friend, my everything for 21 years. I couldn't possibly. I had the thought of giving it to one of my coaches but I know from in the past also I can't transfer the ticket it is for me only. Third and I mentioned it before we are on Spring Break now. I have 4 of those left with my daughter in High School before she goes to College. With my son maybe 2 left before he graduates from College. I want every moment with my kids before they are gone. Fourth I decided to plan a girls 3 day trip with my sister and my daughter for next weekend. It is to an event my daughter was invited to and something she is really excited about. Bottom line my family comes first this week, as always. Being a coach means I live my life by design. Sometimes mine doesn't look the same as others. Sometimes people will think I'm completely nuts for it but I am totally happy with it. There is no better paradise then with my family

Investment to Health

Most mornings I will look at the "on this day" on Facebook to see what I was doing 1,3,6 or more years ago. One consistent thing I have found is 5,6,7 years ago I was always sick. I would be recovering from a cold, a fever a sore throat. Funny because then I had no idea about the troubles in my brain I was living a carefree life. More like a careless life. I have not been sick ONE single day since I have started eating clean, working out, drinking shakeology. I have lost 110 lbs. I have maintained it through workouts and nutrition. I have become healthy inside and out. Some say that my lifestyle has a hefty price - I say putting your health last does. Honestly making all my changes has not changed the food bill it has just shifted the priorities. Give up one thing for another. I have actually made thing better with my condition by eating healthy, clean and dumping foods with chemicals and preservatives. In the long run I would say it is a win. I'm 41 healthier and more fit than when I was 21. I'm not dieting - I'm living my life as healthy as possible without feeling deprived. This is a lifestyle. One I am so happy I took the chance on. You are worth the investment especially when you realize that honestly there is none other than commitment to living your best life since you only have one.

The Power of One

I know some people look at my post and roll their eyes. That is OK. 😀 I have been on both sides of this spectrum. Now if I can give a little hope and a little positivity to just one person I will. After all isn't that how change begins? With one. I'm not going to change the world but if I can help change one heart with my hope, positivity, and love. That is enough for me! My life is totally imperfect, I have my major health issues but they aren't excuses they are my foundation. You can go two ways in life. Trust me my life is SO much better this way. Try to spread some optimism and positivity this week - after all it all begins with one.

Lessons From Louie

The kids and I finally got to watch the movie Unbroken. Yes, 2 years late. It was worth it though. It is about Louie Zamperini. Growing up through hard times his brother always told him "if you can take it, you can make it". This got him on the track team in High School and to the Olympic Track Team. Later while serving in War his plane was shot down. After being on a raft for about 45 days he said to God, I swear you get me through this I will dedicate my life to you and do whatever you want. After this he was found. Unfortunately by Japan and became a prisoner of war. For years. What they showed is nowhere close to what I'm sure he was put through and it was beyond brutal. Enough to make anybody forget that promise in that raft and become a hard, broken person. After years of abuse and torture he finally went home. After years of severe post traumatic stress Louie made good on the his promise to serve God, a decision he credited with saving his life. Motivated by faith, Louie came to see that the way forward was not revenge, but forgiveness. He returned to Japan and made peace with all his captors but one who refused to meet him. I don't tell you this for a history lesson. I'm telling you this because no matter how broken you are, there is a better road then anger. Our lives comparably are nothing to what this man went through. I know my few years of darkness and bad things that happened is nothing compared to his. I have had my rock bottom prayers though and I have had my moments I have wanted to turn away because it was so bad. Faith has always eventually won. I have actually forgiven everyone in my life. Which is huge a year ago I could not have said that. Even the one's who had hurt me the most. Why? Not for them - for me because it sets me free. Just like it did him. Faith and forgiveness are amazing things. It may take a while to get there but when you do life will never be the same

16th Year

I don't have any pretty pictures to start this one with. No little bows to tie on top and make it complete. This is just was it is. My life ..actually my second babies life. Not Olivia, she is my third. I am talking about the one I never held in my arms. The one who would have been 16 years old today , Valentine's Day 2016. As the years go by the pain does decrease. Actually with my shift over the last year. My focus on what I see in my mind changes. Before I use to think the first kicks, picking her name. Then of a happy couple finding out the gender of their 19 week baby and seeing her heartbeat. Then something went wrong. Going back having another ultrasound with no heartbeat , the surgery, the agony... The other morning I was going to sleep and said can you imagine having THREE of them? She would have been 16. I can see her. Our children look the same. I wonder would she have been musical like her big brother. A dancer like her little sister. Athletic like her dad was and play basketball like he did? Would she love to run and race me out the door every morning? Or something completely different. No matter what she was - she would have been amazing. She was important and she is still loved. Now she is loved with more of a peaceful heart. After all this time now I think her Birthday may have been perfectly picked on this day. Before I felt it was mocking me now I feel what better day - A day of love.

Alive or Just Living

I was sitting at the park reading a book in the sun and it dawned on me just this one simple thing makes me ALIVE - not just living. Years ago I simply went about my day to get to the next day. I didn't see the joy in each moment. I was so stuck in sadness and despair from my diagnosis I honestly slept all day. The only time I put on a happy face was when it was time to pick up my kids from school and play the part. I didn't even drop them off at school my husband did. I would get them out the door and go back to sleep. Are you living to get to the next day? Barely breathing not, enjoying life? Then I challenge you for the next week to stop. Living doesn't cost. Go for a walk with a pet or a friend. Work in your garden. Sit in the sun. Read a book. Exercise. Craft. Find a hobby. Start with 10 minutes. After a few days it will get easier to find time and more time as it will bring you such joy. The important thing is to wakeup and be ALIVE. Don't waste your life. I know we don't all have medical issues. We all haven't been given second chances to live but you can learn from us -we aren't promised tomorrow. If you weren't here tomorrow do you want your friends and family to say - they loved life and lived it to the fullest? Or the opposite. I know now my family would say I loved them and my perfectly imperfect life to the fullest. Like I said there is no cost to living but there is a huge cost to living without life. Choose to be ALIVE!

Act II

The middle, Act II, is uncomfortable. It is where we find our truths. If we stop fighting and start listening we learn from them. It took me quite a long time to stop fighting. When I did I learned I can deal with anything. Also I can appreciate anybody, even the most horrible for the lessons they have taught me. I have also turned my test into my testimony. I can endure anything and rise from it. My middle was a huge mess but it made me an over-comer. It made me strong. It made me grateful for everything and everyone. It gave me the ability to know I can help others with what I lived and learned. Don't be afraid of the mess. It is necessary and that is where your magic will happen.

Letting Go

Personal confession. I have been dealing with something since the middle of the night a few days ago when I got a phone call at 3am. It doesn't involve my husband or children but it is family. This situation has been weighing on my heart and soul for a few days. Even though I say "everything is ok" - my heart is telling me it is not. I am very connected to those I love and who are around me. Even more so since my GMS. I'm very in-tune to what is going on even when I'm not with them. It has always been that way since I was a child but after my seizure it was multiplied 100%. I know something is going to happen before it happens. I just have a knowing this is a year of change for this person I love and it's not going to be a good one, hopefully that changes. I need to find peace so this doesn't hang over me and change who I am. So I have to focus on what I can. Making sure no matter what this person knows I love them. Which I know they do because they tell me anytime we speak. They also tell me I am the only person who has never given up on them. Which I never ever will do. I am actually the only person who takes the time to take classes weekly to learn how to deal with them, their addiction and myself. At first it made them mad but after it has brought us closer because they know they are that important to me and 2. they also know there is no bull between us. Just honesty. Addiction can be a roller coaster. You can think you are off the ride but then it starts up all over again. I pray it just stops and they find health and happiness. What I can do now after this is let go and let God, again. 

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Amazing Grace

So I took this picture to rub it into a girlfriends face (with love) that I ran in 77 degrees today in a tanktop. Right after I took it I started to run and a song came on and I couldn't use the picture to tease her any longer. At that moment my running changed to a feeling of freedom. A few years ago after my diagnosis I felt like someone was holding me underwater every minute of the day. Like I couldn't breathe. Even though everything on the outside looked ok. I was so broken inside. I played the act of a good wife, good mom, good friend all the while I was scared to death to live. I was afraid everything I loved would be pulled out from under me. Drowning underwater afraid to live for fear of dying. Do you know how good it is to be better? To be beyond better. To have fixed my life mind, body and spirit. I have learned to be truly happy. To live in the moment. To not be scared of the next one. To fix my broken relationships. To set boundaries with unhealthy relationships or to even let them go. With that I have new people in my life. Healthy beautiful relationships. The relationships I had have been brought to a whole new level. I am a better wife, mother and friend. My soul is actually silent. I don't have chaos in my mind. I once was lost. Thank God I'm found.

I'm Gonna Let It Shine

Seems like I am stuck in a world that is 50/50. I have my happy, positive, encouraging friends. Then there are the people that are negativity, passive aggressive, angry ect. Sometimes I feel that it almost leans more towards the negative then the positive. In reality it is not, it is just because it is so opposite of everything I find wonderful, inspiring and allow in my life. So for the people who want to be happy, who always want to see the good and who never want to give up. Who know that every single day is a gift I will let my light shine. Hopefully it will change a heart to see that if even someone like me can change their life, so can they. So I encourage you to to do the same - go let your light shine.

Sunrise

The sunrise is always a reminder to me that on June 16th 2008 I was given a second chance at life. Every single morning before my feet hit the floor I thank God for giving me a second chance at life. Also for putting Dr's in my life to help me live. For finally getting me out of the tunnel that I was living in that told me after my diagnosis my life was a death sentence and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For allowing me the opportunity to see my children grow. For allowing me to have true and beautiful relationships with my friends and family. Being a survivor changes your outlook on life. Some see me as tough. I see myself as full of love and encouraging others to find the same. Life is too short to be wasted. It can be gone in one second. Ask my kids. They saw me drop to the ground and be loaded on to an ambulance unconscious. You want something in life. Do it, with love and happiness.

Flip the Script

Your whole entire life you have been playing recordings in your head. Are you speaking to yourself with love and encouragement? Or are you speaking to yourself negatively, with hate and self doubt. You may not even realize you are doing it. Those broken records may have been put there by a parent or even someone you love or have loved in the past You are either your biggest coach or your biggest critic. So as I challenged my Challengers today it is time to flip this habit - TODAY!! I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down every negative thing you can think of about yourself.. Seriously, nobody is looking. It's just you!! Write it down. Put a BIG black line through it. Then I want you to write the opposite!! The next time you start to THINK that terrible thing about yourself out of habit I want you to go to your NEW HEALTHY habit. Thinking of yourself as the amazing person that you are. You have a choice with every single thought..It is time to flip the script.

Pushing Through

So.. This is me procrastinating on my run. I walked to the lake and sat on a rock. Lol!! It happens!! Guess what though after I sit here and am thankful for a few minutes I will get of my butt and run. Then go home and lift weights with On Demand. Not wanting to workout happens. Pushing past it is the important part. Don't let a day roll into a week. A week roll into a month. A pound roll into 10. 10 roll into 20. A size roll into 5 even 10 more sizes. Trust me it happens quicker than you think!! I use to allow it to happen many times until I took ownership of my health. My health is a habit. Healthy habits = healthy choices! Even if you have to sit on a rock for a moment to remember how blessed you are to have this perfectly impefect healthy life. Making healthy habits and pushing through to the new person will change your life.

The BIG But

So many have goals. They have one thing stopping them though... The big BUT.. You may not even know you are doing it. I didn't for the longest time. Once you get out of your way and look in your rear-view mirror you will see all the buts lined up just like speed bumps in some cases mountains! How do I know? I lived it. I had every excuse. It won't work. I've tried. I have an illness/disease. I'm on meds. I would even place blame on others. Why even try.... Why, because I was and am worth it. I am proof - I overcame 110 lbs, medicine, a brain disability I have to deal with the rest of my life. I did it - so can you. Even if you don't get it right and you don't succeed right from day one. You are making healthy habits. Those habits will eventually win!! Be smart enough to know when you and your buts are in the way and get out of the way.