My Life Day

Today is a bigger day for me that my Birthday .. It is my Life Day. Six years ago today I had my gran mal seizure. An event I do not wish upon anybody but changed me to a better person. A person who knows that by the grace of God I was given a second chance to get my life right. You might think that is extreme but if you do you most likely have never been given this gift. As I sit here writing this I can still feel so much of it. I remember laughing with my kids driving down the freeway. I remember starting to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen. Then it all goes black. I don't know how much time has passed but I remember lying on my back seeing the gazebo in the center of town and EMT stick something in my hand. Then black out again. This was during a ambulance ride I don't remember. Some more time passes. I hear people walking, things beeping and myself breathing. Have you ever heard such a silence and had no sight that your breathing sounds really loud? Finally when I have my vision back I just see my husband sitting by my side staring at me. I was out for an hour and a half. Time I will ever remember. Time my children will NEVER forget. They were just 6 ad 12 and witnessed it all. Nobody understood what happened. The ER said I was dehydrated and needed rest. Luckily, another volunteer from the Soup Kitchen called he said you didn't move much but I know you had a seizure. That night my tongue was hurting. When I looked in the mirror I had bit it in half. The hospital checked paperwork saying my tongue was fine.... I knew then I was in trouble. I cried myself to sleep and called a neurologist in the morning. That lead to many tests which lead to my diagnosis. Gran Mal Seizure due to irregular brain waves. I will be on meds 2x a day for the rest of life. In that moment I could not see past the diagnosis. Few things kills the human spirit like lack of hope. I was destroyed. I fell...crashed.. into PTSD. I was afraid to walk, eat, sleep....breath. I was so afraid to die I forgot to LIVE. One morning I literally woke and realized I was given the gift of life. What was I doing with it? Eating, gaining weight, crying, being angry and feeling sorry for myself. I realized I needed to stop and live each day as it was my last BUT enjoy it. From that moment I have put my family, my health, positivity and paying it forward as my goal. I found my hope again and along this twisty road I found myself.

So now looking back I have seen 6 more Anniversary's, 6 more Birthday's for more Children, 6 more Christmases, I watched my son Graduate from High School and start College. I get to watch my Niece grow. I get to kiss my kids, watch them turn into amazing people and grow older with my husband. I get continue build and have great relationships with friends and family. I got to lose 110lbs and learn to be healthy - also to help others to do the same. I GET to turn 40 in a few weeks!! Usually something somebody dreads - I am so excited I am!!

My life is a gift and I thank God every morning when my eyes open for my second chance. Also that He has given me one more day with the hopes for 50 more years <3

Never let a diagnosis or fear define you... YOU define you.

If you are stuck in a hopeless situation know there will be happiness again. You can overcome anything - just as I have - I promise. If you know somebody who is stuck - feel free to share this with them.

We received devastating news about our 9 year old Irish Setter yesterday. He has intestinal cancer. It is aggressively advancing. There is no treatment for him. All we can do is love him. Continue to try to get him to get him to gain weight. Also enjoy him and listen to his signs as to when it is ....his time to "leave us." At this point he is not in pain and is still very much our very happy, prancing man. This guy is a member of my family. I love him as I do my own children. I can't imagine what the next weeks, months, fingers crossed - years... will bring. I know the last is probably not a rational thought but I refuse to not think this is a possibility I have faith and hope.

Something dawned on me today while I was fixated on the pain our family is going through. Every situation I have gone through in life has eventually passed no matter how permanently fixed it was in our life at the moment. Every pain we have gone through has brought new qualities out in our family. Patience, understanding, compassion, love... and now eventually courage. All of our experiences have built us stronger as a family. I know we don't know the timing of this. How much longer we have with our furry loved one. We need to know this is something we can not predict - nor would we want to.  We need to be patient with ourselves and one another as we are a different stages of mourning and the stages can change hourly. Then when the inevitable happens we are going to have to accept it and mourn again. This is a wound that will not heal quickly but we need to remember this too shall pass. Someday there will just be wonderful memories and new strength that came from Duke of Shenanigans  and his time with us.

So, if you have a difficult situation today - remember - it will end and you will be stronger. Everything will be ok.

As I was driving down a beautiful country road with my windows down enjoying the beautiful morning and a jerk flew by me and gave me the bird with anger.. again for going 5 over the speed limit I couldn't help but reflect on life. How do you view life? Are you in a hurry to get nowhere randomly carrying anger to strangers or do you enjoy life? I thought of the women at the water park there with their sweet kids complaining that they couldn't wait to wear them out so they would nap. As they grumpily trudged into the water just to fulfill a duty. We are now the generation of "Throwback Thursday" pics why don't we focus on the real thing - the moment. The here and now. Yeah, those kids might be driving you nuts. We have all been there. I can tell you and any other Mom who has one in College or above those kids are going to be gone in a heartbeat. ENJOY IT. Yes, the person in front of you in the car going right above the speed limit enjoying the beautiful day might seem annoying. If you want to pass her - pass her but do you have to flip her off for 3 minutes? Really that tells so much about your life and I'm sorry it's filled with so much anger. I can tell you though when we hit the same sign in 5 minutes or I pass you when you are pulled over by Cop - was it worth it? Anger is so silly. Why do you need to carry it and spread it around? If you are spreading it to the person on the road. Are you spreading it to the person you work with, live with? Also if we met face to face would you have the nerve to act the same? Before I changed my life I carried anger with me. I was so sad. Life is so short. Trust me. Almost 6 years ago my life was almost taken from me. I was given a second chance to make better decisions. To live happier, to treat others better. I know every morning when I wake I am lucky. If you have nothing nice to say don't. This world is filled with enough negativity. Life is short. Help other - don't use others. Enjoy your kids even when you want to pull your hair out. Laugh at the chaos. Roll down your windows and enjoy a beautiful country road.

Life is short in 10 minutes, 10 days or 10 years will the things that are bugging you even matter?

Why do you let it now?